ME, MYSELF, AND I

OK SO LET ME PREFACE THIS BLOG....I began to write last nights blog after a very exhausting day! I knew that I was going to write about my personality and characteristics.... for some reason felt impressed to just do that....HOWEVER, I fell asleep writing....so continue reading at your own risk...It might make you fall asleep....lol I have decided to pick up where I left off....

SO HERE IS WHAT I STARTED LAST NIGHT....

For some reason I have a million and one things on my mind and I always wait to be clear what my thoughts are and then just begin typing...these blogs are a result of what comes out each day!  All day today I continued to think about ME and who I am as a person! As, I have been writing I have been discovering and learning things. And so, this may be more for me than for you! I have discovered that there is something very solidifying in writing! SO here I go as I write about what it is like to be ME!

Many of you know me as the smiley, happy, curly Heather! I am ALL OF THOSE THINGS!
I love people!  I love balloons I ABSOLUTELY love love BALLOONS ( I have even bought myself a bouquet of balloons before) Just because they make me happy! I love animals (especially puppies and kittens) I love children, babies, teenagers, and especially the elderly and everyone in between! I have a major soft spot for anyone with mental disabilities or illnesses (I feel drawn to special needs kids especially down syndrome) I love reading (anything inspiring or self-help. I hate reading anything that is not real!) If I can brighten someones day then I have succeeded! I love church! I love feeling close to my Father in Heaven! I love music (ALL KINDS) I love going to the movies (true stories or chic flicks)I love dancing! ( I was in competitive dance during high school) I love FAMILY! I love eating out (which we do extremely too much) I love true and real down to earth personalities...someone that you can just totally be yourself with, someone that you can wake up right out of bed and they not think a thing about how you look! I NEVER judge people and their situations! I love massages, I love jewelry! I love fashion and I LOVE flip flops (if I can get away with wearing them...I do. I have been known to wear a winter coat and flip flops) I love writing notes to uplift people! I love surprising people! I love perfume! I love candles! I love giving at Christmas more than receiving! I love LOVE! I love the Springtime the BEST! But SUMMER takes a very close 2nd! I love to swim and be in the sun and the water! (That is where you will find me and my kids all summer long..at the pool) I love making people feel SPECIAL! (I think it comes naturally to me) I love the color YELLOW! I love friendly people in the drive thru! I love going to the cemetery and just sitting and reflecting! I love thinking deeply! I love having conversations with others about things that matter! I love my parents dearly! I love my brother and my sister and their families! I love having fun! I love the sunshine! AND YES I ACTUALLY DO LOVE THESE THINGS AND MUCH MUCH MORE!

However, as you can tell by my blogs...that I am and can be incredibly deep! In fact, this is one aspect of me that I have not always even understood in younger years!  I knew as a young girl that the feelings that I had for people seemed extreme! When someone would cry it was like I could physically feel their pain. When I would see someone fall down I would have a strong sense to make sure they were OK! When someone was crying it made me cry. When I saw a teacher feel overwhelmed I felt strongly that I needed to see if there was something I could do to help! And I could not even tell the difference when watching a commercial! When I watched a child perform...I could hardly watch the performance because I wanted to watch the expressions on the parents faces. I cry at graduations (I am so happy for their reaching this point in life) I cry at weddings! I cry when I drive down the road and see an accident (because that is someones mom, dad or family) I cry when I see a dead animal on the side of the road (because I think of the family that has lost their pet) I cry at football games mostly when the band plays! I cry at funeral processions! I cry watching American Idol! I cry when I hear the National Anthem!  It is not uncommon for my eyes to well up even at the sight of these kind of moments! I learned quickly that the world views this kind of personality as weakness! People thought I was too sensitive or emotional (even my own husband at times well, alot of times) Many people think or have suggested that I am like this because of losing my children and other experiences I have been through!  People have said that I need to toughen up! People have said that I must be sad! People have suggested many things! For some reason I never felt that it was OK to really be as sensitive as I was! I am sure that the experiences I have been through in my life have enhanced these feelings...BUT THE TRUTH IS THIS IS WHO I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN!  In fact, I didn't think it was normal to care to the degree I did! So I often wouldn't let people on how deep the feelings went! I care so deeply that it hurts sometimes! I am very big on UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! I feel that it is one of my favorite characteristics! It has brought so many people into my life that truly know I care and it won't matter what they are going through, they know that they can trust me and I will LOVE THEM ANYWAY!

Now I am not saying I go into a full nose blowing cry...but It is not uncommon to have a tear or two stream down my face! In public I would try so hard to play it off! In my family I would go to try to play it off as I would get teased...they would say "Oh my goodness...there goes mom again" Pretty much they have learned to accept me just as I am! When others were laughing and cheering I was tearing up because I was so proud of anothers accomplishment! My daughter says...Are you having another "Jesus Moment" (meaning such deep caring) People have said you cant possibly feel that way all the time and the truth is I DO! I CARE ALL THE TIME!

SO THERE IT IS....I AM ME, MYSELF AND I....TEARS AND ALL! Having these deep emotions has not always been easy! It has left me feeling insecure many times because I didn't think it was OK to show these kind of emotions! BUT THE TRUTH.... I KNOW THAT THESE CHARACTERISTICS ARE A GIFT FROM GOD! I KNOW THAT I CAN BE HIS HANDS WITH THE SPIRITUAL GIFTS THAT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN! I have used my talents to bless the lives of others! I have had more real and true relationships because I was trusted and they know I cared! I truly want what is best for others! I truly am happy for someone when they succeed!

In a previous blog, I spoke of my favorite ALL TIME quote that changed my life!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Now you can see why this quote had such deep personal meaning! When I read this as a young adult...it brought purpose to my life as I realized that my playing small didn't serve the world! I was meant to shine with all my flaws and everything! I was born to make manifest the glory of God that was in ME! I have learned as I started appreciating my deepness and my tears and my deep love for others and shined! It was an amazing feeling...God started placing more and more people in my path! I realized what was happening...that I was shining I was unconsciously giving other people permission to do the same! I truly saw this quote in action and STILL DO TO THIS DAY!

I hope that you will recite this quote in the mirror and replace the "your",  "you"  and "we" with "I" and "my"

Say..."My deepest fear... " "I am powerful...", "I was born..." Look at yourself and try to see past what you see in the mirror! Look deep inside and see your soul! You were born for  a purpose and everything about you are the tools that you were given to make it happen! I feel very strongly about this...that you should never look at someone else and wish you were like they are, or wish that you had this talent or that ability!

I LEARNED THAT WHAT I FELT WAS MY VERY WEAKNESS WAS IN FACT THE VERY TOOL THAT I WAS BLESSED WITH TO BE ABLE TO BLESS THE LIVES OF OTHERS! Remember..."WE ARE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY OF GOD WITHIN US"

Look in the mirror today and tell yourself that YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND THAT YOUR PACKAGE HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO BE EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO BE! What weakness (that you think is a weakness) is ACTUALLY A STRENGTH in your life that maybe you don't realize yet? Do you hide who you truly are? What quality about yourself do you look at like a weakness? Now look at it again and say...If I didn't hide this...HOW COULD I BLESS THE WORLD OR THE PEOPLE AROUND ME!

Today....Find Joy in YOURSELF!