Have you ever found yourself saying, "Are you freaking
kidding me?" Well this day just happened for me! But, I also found myself
laughing about it! And in that moment of laughter, when I could have been
furious... It got me thinking of a message I had received the day before this
frustrating day and many other occasions as well. This was the message....
All of a sudden, it caused me to think,
"How DO, I do that?" Even though I know what works for me... How could I better explain what I do to remain happy under the pressures of life or overcome upsets so easily! I
did respond to the message and shared my perspective on how to find JOY in
daily life with all of the non- joy things that come our way! But the main
thing I realized that I do is.... make choices all day long!
Let me explain how this worked for
me...from one of the worst days that I have recently experienced!
Every year, all throughout the year there
are things that I have to do for Shay's trucking company. I have to renew things or pay to
keep him going legally. The worst dreaded day (that I just found out they have
changed and I can do online now) is to go all the way to Carrollton and pay for
his Apportioned plates (tags). It is one of those things depending on who you
get that day, which way your paperwork needs to look or which documents are
needed, that last time I didn’t need. Anyway, it's always a stress! One year I
can use my check, one year I can't...or one year I can take care of it and one year Shay
needed to write something saying I can make changes on the account (even though
I am part owner)...or one year I was told my insurance wasn't the proper document (when I knew it was)...or one year they had two trucks listed (his old
one and new one) and I wasn't authorized to remove one!!! Let me tell you, IT
LEAVES ME SAYING IN MY HEAD..."ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?"
So, I decided that this year I would go
above and beyond to make sure I have everything required by current guidelines. (cause there are several things
you have to prove and declare and it has to be "just so." However, depending on the agent you get that day is who determines "just so")
So, I called ahead and spoke with an
agent. I researched online to make sure nothing had changed and no added
documents were required. I called again and spoke with a second agent to make
sure I heard the same as before from the first agent. I called my insurance
company and prepared them that I might be calling if they were requiring specifics for my
documents or for them to be in a different format. (Yes, that picky) I collected my documents
and checked them 3 times and decided to leave a little after traffic and before
it gets busy at this office. I made the hour drive over there and pulled my
number and sat and waited. While I waited, I read on my kindle as to help me
ignore the person sneezing and coughing across from me NOT covering their
mouth. (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) and the babies crawling on the floor with
no protection and putting things in their mouths straight from the floor with
no supervision. (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) And the lady that asked me to
move seats so that her son could sit by her. (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME)
Time doesn't seem to move.
Finally after an hour (ARE YOU FREAKING
KIDDING ME)... My number is called! Whew! Finally! I walk up to window and I am
greeted with the grimmest face, no smile, no greeting except for ..."What
do you need today?" (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) And of course, I'm
smiling and share that I am there to renew my husband’s apportioned tags. She
then says... "Paperwork?" (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) I hand
her my paperwork and with a deep inside sigh am hoping that she accepts
everything and all is well! She slowly looks through each sheet and makes extra
loud breathing noises and I'm thinking is this good or bad! What is she about
to tell me...? After what felt like an eternity...She tells me that my dates
are wrong! Yep....you guessed it... Inside my head, I say, "ARE YOU
FREAKING KIDDING ME?" So, highly expecting that something could go
wrong...I'm prepared for something to be wrong! But that was the only thing
that I didn't have backup for! I told her how could that be... I got my dates
of all miles from the document that they sent me in the mail. She printed
another document and it definitely had different dates. She said, "I don't
know why they sent those dates" I asked how that could be? She said,
"I don’t know but your dates are wrong?" I told her that I would have
to go all the way home and prepare a new mileage record with new dates and come
back! She says, "Step aside, mam so I can call the next person to my
window that is prepared." (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME)
CHOICES! I could have "gone off"
on many people that day! I could have said, "Screw it!" I could have
asked to speak to a supervisor and shared how rude that lady was! I could have
made a face at the lady that asked me to move for her son to sit! I could have
screamed I hate life right now! I could have rolled my eyes at the man that was
sneezing and coughing! I could have made a comment to the mom that was letting
her baby crawl all over the dirty floor! I could have left that place mad as
heck knowing that refiguring Shay's miles per state, per dates was going to
take another hour or more! Not to mention...now I am leaving in rush hour lunch
hour traffic to go back home...only to come back again! But I didn't!
Of course, since I have such a habit of not
giving in to anger, or letting other people control my JOY or my day or my
emotions. I made the choice to get in my car and open my sunroof, turn on my
music (full blast) and take the journey back home and laugh at it all!
On my way, of course there is an accident
on 635. But, since I was moving so slow past the accident I decide to roll down
my other windows and just let the breeze come in. Then I passed the accident
and began to speed up.... Not even thinking that I have the newly printed out
paper with new dates right on top of my folder. IT FLEW OUT THE WINDOW! (ARE
YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME)
I was so mad for a minute and thought can
this day get any worse? I immediately exit and go back and walked directly up
to the window (of a different agent) and asked for another print out!
I go back to my car and actually SAY A
PRAYER! I am calmed! I open the sunroof, turn back on my music and drive in
silence for a few until I feel like singing again! It took me 2 hours to get
home!
I ran in grabbed all of Shay's paperwork
and carefully went through all of his daily sheets to add up all the miles per
state, per the new dates. Shay even asks me how I am doing knowing that I had
to go all the way back! I was like... I'm good! Stuff like this happens all the time and I
decided not to let it get me down! It is what it is and I'm not going to let
anything spoil my JOY! So I realized, that even though I had every reason to be
ticked off...It was just a series of unfortunate events that happened
altogether and I was just going to make the best of it! All the way back for an
hour and half... I thought about why is it so easy for me to not to go to that
"ticked off" place and this is what came to my mind...
{Losing 2 children was the most horrific
thing that has ever happened to me.} It almost got the best of me! Not many
remember me back in those days. There were moments when the pain was almost
unbearable! The only thing that saved me was my knowledge of a loving Heavenly
Father that would NEVER GIVE ME MORE THAN I AM CAPABLE OF OVERCOMING! I used to
hate hearing that! But, through my trials, I learned that life is series of
events that either help us become more or they don't! They can make you better
and stronger or they can define you and make you bitter! I constantly had
to DIG DEEP and OVERCOME the losses that I was called to experience! I woke up
EVERDAY and had to choose happy or miserable! Cause let me tell ya, losing your
children can cause misery, IF YOU LET IT! I chose to not let it bring me down,
but it wasn't without a daily fight and a choice every single day! I had no
idea that I was learning how to make that choice so often and so regularly that
it became a way of life for me through the years!
I learned that I had a choice to choose
joy and an attitude of gratitude! Every day, I am grateful for many, many
things! My life, my children on earth and in heaven, the lessons that I have
learned, the husband that has stood by my side through all of those crazy days,
my extended family, my business, the sun shining, the birds chirping, the wind
blowing, my gospel knowledge, and my long list goes on and on! Some tease me
for my "rose colored glasses" view on life! But, it is NOT that...
I
have made choices for a long time to focus on the good as to not get drowned in
the loss that I had to learn how to overcome! After many years of having to
choosing HAPPY OR MISERABLE.... I got good at choosing happy! So it makes it so
easy to deal with..."ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME" days! Just because
I am happy a lot, doesn't mean that my life is easy or that I don't have
difficult days! I have days like this all the time!
In our family we have the START OVER RULE.... Give yourself permission to start over! If we feel like a converstion or a day needs a restart.... We say, "Can I start over?" It works! Try it!
So, I finally reach my destination AGAIN!
I go in and take a number! It is even more crowded than before and I am totally
expecting to wait over an hour to be called! I endure the same scenario of the
people that I am sitting by! When all of a sudden I hear my name called over
the speaker to come to window 15. I stand up and walk over to find that I was
called to the same lady.... I looked at her and she says, "I saw that
smiling face walk in! Can't miss it...we don't get a lot of those around
here!"
I am seriously saying inside..."ARE
YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME" But for a whole different reason! Am I seriously
talking to the same lady and did she just say that! I of course, lit up! She
said, "Now give me your number so I can take you off the que, I skipped
all these people to call you to my window" I smiled and said, Thank you so
much! You totally made my day! She then says, "No you made mine"
My thoughts at that moment were.... {WHAT?????, IS THIS
REALLY HAPPENING?}
She told me that after I left she thought
about how I reacted when she told me that I had the wrong dates and that I
happily said that I had to drive back home and come back. She said in all of
her years working there she has never had such a kind person. She said, I knew
you had God in your life!
That was the moment when I was so touched
and I really wanted to cry! When I realized that my favorite quote by Marianne Williamson made so much
sense to me.... "We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born
to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of
us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear {and I
will add frustration, disappointment, anger,} our presence AUTOMATICALLY
LIBERATES OTHERS!
I witnessed this! I made a choice and it
mattered and it changed a heart! I was also blessed to skip all of the other
people in there! I had everything she needed and I paid and she gave me my
receipt and then the greatest of all... this once mean, angry, bitter, short
worded lady....SMILED at me!
Find JOY in those crazy days when all that
is going through your mind is ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME... and MAKE THE CHOICE to let love, kindness,
and light exude from you instead! Don't beat yourself up as you discover that you can choose to have a better day no mater what crosses your path! Practice make perfect, well somewhat perfect
but it will totally help you find JOY and HAPPINESS in your days!
Until I blog again,
