I recently blogged about the day my son Shelby was born. His actual birthday is May 21st. I have had him on my mind alot lately as I always do more so around this time. He lived from May to October 31st and died on Halloween morning of that year! But there were so many stories in between that time!
Today, I was remembering the day that I took him home and what happened shortly after he was home! I knew that he had the same disease that I had already lost a child too! I knew the statistics! I knew the odds! But I also had such an optimistic outlook...I truly had faith and believed that Shelby could beat the odds! I believed that a miracle could happen! I lived every day, and made every medical decision with that in mind! I believed that if it be God's will...that he would survive!
I had the experience of my daughter to compare to and know what things I wanted to do differently! One of the crucial things for an EB child is the nutrition. So that they have the ability and energy to heal their skin! Because this disease is so rare...It was normal for any Dr's to not know how to care for these children! However, there is a National Registry in North Carolina for the Epidermolysis Bullousa disease that I had to reach out to. Through all of my study and research I felt it very necessary to put him through surgery to receive a Gastostomy tube (G-tube or tube that bypasses other organs straight to the stomach for enternal nutrition) I felt that if I could get a jump on it and keep him from "failing to thrive" that he could have the means to heal his body and be stronger to survive!
I remember the day of surgery, how hard that was to hand him over to the doctors not knowing if he would even make it through the surgery! Anything you do to children with this disease is extremely high risk. I prayed and cried and cried and prayed some more when they wheeled his tiny little body away on the bed! Those were the moments that were always the hardest! He was gone much longer than they expected because everything that any medical person learned was out the window with EB. The nickname for these kids is... "The Thin-Skinned Kids." You can't put anything on their skin and you have to try and be as evasive as possible as everything you do will create a blister and probably be a sore for life! They called during surgery to talk to me! Man, that made me sick to my stomach! They said, "your son is still alive but he seriously needs to have a tracheotomy while we are doing the gastrostomy" I of course said to do whatever was needed but I knew this meant more unhealed skin which causes major risk all by itself! Had they not done the tracheotomy he would have died from sloughing skin blockage in his airway. He survived the surgery!
If you can imagine even taking a cotton ball and rubbing their skin it will create a blister! The reason the type of disease that my children had was fatal was because the inside layer of skin had a defect or missing gene..so their whole insides and normal organ functioning creates blisters (actually open raw skin) So breathing in the lungs, swallowing, crying, blinking, urinating, anything that causes movement internally was destroying the skin inside their body! On the outside was the same, however due to large sores all over caused from normal living they look like they have been burned. A normal dressing change took me hours. Upon completion of the dressing change it wasnt long before I had to start all over again as to keep the risk of infection down it had to be done at least three times a day and hour each time! Each time was excruciating pain for him to go through. Sometimes I had tears streaming down my face as I performed the dressing changes. I had to do what I was doing but it hurt him so much! I often thought if I could just take on his pain! To watch your child suffer and not be able to do anything to take it away or make it better is one of the HARDEST experiences ever in this life!
I continued to faithfully take care of him round the clock daily with hardly any sleep for the 5 1/2 months that he lived! I learned that it was NOT God's will for him to live here on this earth with us as he peacefully left this earth. I learned to be grateful that he didn't have to suffer anymore. As much pain as he lived with it was a blessing to know that he could live with our Savior and not have to hurt one more day! I have learned so much from losing him and continue to learn from all of the experiences that I remember at different times in my life! It is not something you would ever choose to go through but the years of lessons that I have learned are unique and special to me! It has taken me many years later to be able to write about all of these experiences. My comfort and peace comes from my knowledge of eternal families and that I will see him again!
I am finding joy in the recall of my memories and in the continual lessons of life.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
The Bully!
Today I had a great day with my kids at the zoo! You wonder why this is something to blog about? Well, it's because my son should have been in school but since he was suspended for 3 days I had the day to whatever we wanted to do! So your next question might be well if he is suspended why on earth would I have taken him to do somethin fun!!!
Being displaced from the tornado was not the hardest part! Living in this hotel with other families (well one particular family) has been the hardest part! There is another kid that comes from a large family and doesn't seem to get the attention that he needs or at least that is my opinion! These children have two parents that are hardly attentive to anything that they do! It had been a huge frustration for many other families that have to live here with them.
It is not uncommon to hear running down the hall, ice fights in the eating area, calling our room and hanging up, knocking on our door and running to hide, taking things from the office room, workout room, food area and even the pool area! They have broken hotel property and well basically become a thorn in everyones side! I can no longer go to workout without getting the equipment I need. I can no longer print in the business office because they printed SO MUCH that the hotel hasn't replaced the cartridge due to high usage. My kids can no longer go to use the computer room without me because they now have to be 17 years or older! Needless to say because of this one family...everything has been changed for normal living for others!
But even that is not the worst part! They have one child who I guess will remain nameless...But, he has caused more grief for me than I can hardly stand! And when I say this if you know me it takes AN AWFUL LOT OF SOMETHING to get me to this point! I am so frustrated with this kid! I guess actually I am ANGRY at the thought of him! I am at a rock and a hard place! This kid has been bullying Kolby for the entire time that we have been living here! This kid is so manipulative and knows exactly how to lie or play the victim! I actually have witnessed it with interaction with his parents!
He has figured out that Kolby wont strike back because Kolby knows he will get in trouble! Kolby is one of those kids that wont strike until he is pushed too! But he is the one that gets caught because he is the last one doing something! Because of his impulsiveness and ADHD he gets blamed for alot of things that others took part in! He is the honest one that will always tell you exactly what he does. So he is a target for any situation when all the other kids lie to stay out of trouble! So this kid has kicked Kolby on the bus, knocked a cup of seeds out of Kolby's hand and spilled all over the bus, calls him names, and much more! The one time Kolby kicked back the kid told on Kolby and because there was no other witness...it looked bad on Kolby!
Well, this kid goes to school and completely manipulates and tells the school that Kolby is doing stuff to him on the bus! I would have never known that he told the school this if it were not for this kids father coming and finding me in the hotel and putting his finger in my face and telling me that I better watch my kid and leave his kid alone! (This was actually on the day I had my Scentsy meeting so I had many witnesses) I was like..."Are you kidding me? It's the other way around...because I have witnessed it! I myself have told this kid to leave Kolby alone in the act!
So after this father gets all in my face, Shay had a chance meeting with him and tells him that if he has a problem in the future that he better come looking for him and to not ever put his finger in his wife's face again! Well that didn't go so well because the father denied what he did to me! So, there is no way to put this other than the rest of the conversation didn't go so well! And ended up with me calling the police to make a report on the mother of this child swinging at Shay! Yes, SHE HIT HIM! Well, if you know Shay, he is the opposite of me and doesn't exactly handle "turning the other cheek" so well! However, with a little encouragement from me...HE DID! As we waited for the elevator they were callin us names and totally ticked Shay off! We then went to the room and told Kolby...whatever you do...DON'T LOOK AT THAT KID...DON'T TALK TO HIM...DON'T BE ANYWHERE AROUND HIM! So I thought that everyone would mind their own business and this kid knew that he better leave Kolby alone at this point! So, a couple of weeks pass!
That brings us to now....Kolby is in the bathroom at school and this kid walks in...Kolby immediately tells him, we cant be in here together! The kid says..."BUTTFACE" and tries to kick Kolby while he is going to the restroom! Well, Kolby snaps at this point and pushes the kid up against the wall! That is the part where two boys come in and are considered the "witnesses" which never saw the beginning point! They all go to the office and guess what??? Yep...Kolby gets suspended and the other "BULLY" kid goes back to class! When I received this call I was just beside myself! I can't remember the last time I was this angry! Especially when she told me that they were going to have to fill out a bullying report on Kolby! I told them I would be there shortly to pick him up! I actually shocked myself because at this point I felt like I had so much to say to this kid! SO of course, knowing that this is not the right way to be...I said a prayer before I went into the school! It actually just took the edge off! I was still VERY UPSET! I went in and insisted to speak to the principle! I told him that I have always listened to what the school authorities have told me and taken action when I needed to with my child but this time...THEY WERE WRONG! I told them if they filled out a bullying report on Kolby that I was going to have so much to say and I would have to find out what our rights were! I still don't exactly know! But one thing is for sure I won't sit back and not speak up! It is just not right! Especially when you watch this kid get off the bus the very same day laughing about what happened until he saw me and then looked down at the floor! He knew he was wrong!
Shay told me he wants Kolby to just beat him up so this kid will quit picking on him! (That is how Shay was raised) And of course, I have said not to and Kolby said he knows if he does that that he will be the one to get in trouble! It is such a frustrating thing when you do all the right things and the system doesn't work in your behalf! I know I am just being tested and we will do the right thing! But I tell you, I am so ready to be done with this school year and on with the rest of my life! Even with all of my frustration with the whole thing...I sat Kolby down and talked with him about being the bigger person and how to handle this the civilized way! If we keep doing the right thing that the Lord will bless us and we will be on our way with blessings coming our way! I told him that I was angry too and have every right to be but this is when we have to do the right thing and this is when doing the right thing really matters! SO WE WILL!
Life is never fair and you will be tested over and over and over again! The winner is the one that in the face of trial can rise above it and make good choices! I know it seems impossible to find joy in all things but the real Joy in this situation comes from not giving in to your anger and unfair situations! I will conquer this....I will! I know that my joy will come from handling this in the right manner! In the meantime....Kolby and I will have fun until he goes back to school next week!
Being displaced from the tornado was not the hardest part! Living in this hotel with other families (well one particular family) has been the hardest part! There is another kid that comes from a large family and doesn't seem to get the attention that he needs or at least that is my opinion! These children have two parents that are hardly attentive to anything that they do! It had been a huge frustration for many other families that have to live here with them.
It is not uncommon to hear running down the hall, ice fights in the eating area, calling our room and hanging up, knocking on our door and running to hide, taking things from the office room, workout room, food area and even the pool area! They have broken hotel property and well basically become a thorn in everyones side! I can no longer go to workout without getting the equipment I need. I can no longer print in the business office because they printed SO MUCH that the hotel hasn't replaced the cartridge due to high usage. My kids can no longer go to use the computer room without me because they now have to be 17 years or older! Needless to say because of this one family...everything has been changed for normal living for others!
But even that is not the worst part! They have one child who I guess will remain nameless...But, he has caused more grief for me than I can hardly stand! And when I say this if you know me it takes AN AWFUL LOT OF SOMETHING to get me to this point! I am so frustrated with this kid! I guess actually I am ANGRY at the thought of him! I am at a rock and a hard place! This kid has been bullying Kolby for the entire time that we have been living here! This kid is so manipulative and knows exactly how to lie or play the victim! I actually have witnessed it with interaction with his parents!
He has figured out that Kolby wont strike back because Kolby knows he will get in trouble! Kolby is one of those kids that wont strike until he is pushed too! But he is the one that gets caught because he is the last one doing something! Because of his impulsiveness and ADHD he gets blamed for alot of things that others took part in! He is the honest one that will always tell you exactly what he does. So he is a target for any situation when all the other kids lie to stay out of trouble! So this kid has kicked Kolby on the bus, knocked a cup of seeds out of Kolby's hand and spilled all over the bus, calls him names, and much more! The one time Kolby kicked back the kid told on Kolby and because there was no other witness...it looked bad on Kolby!
Well, this kid goes to school and completely manipulates and tells the school that Kolby is doing stuff to him on the bus! I would have never known that he told the school this if it were not for this kids father coming and finding me in the hotel and putting his finger in my face and telling me that I better watch my kid and leave his kid alone! (This was actually on the day I had my Scentsy meeting so I had many witnesses) I was like..."Are you kidding me? It's the other way around...because I have witnessed it! I myself have told this kid to leave Kolby alone in the act!
So after this father gets all in my face, Shay had a chance meeting with him and tells him that if he has a problem in the future that he better come looking for him and to not ever put his finger in his wife's face again! Well that didn't go so well because the father denied what he did to me! So, there is no way to put this other than the rest of the conversation didn't go so well! And ended up with me calling the police to make a report on the mother of this child swinging at Shay! Yes, SHE HIT HIM! Well, if you know Shay, he is the opposite of me and doesn't exactly handle "turning the other cheek" so well! However, with a little encouragement from me...HE DID! As we waited for the elevator they were callin us names and totally ticked Shay off! We then went to the room and told Kolby...whatever you do...DON'T LOOK AT THAT KID...DON'T TALK TO HIM...DON'T BE ANYWHERE AROUND HIM! So I thought that everyone would mind their own business and this kid knew that he better leave Kolby alone at this point! So, a couple of weeks pass!
That brings us to now....Kolby is in the bathroom at school and this kid walks in...Kolby immediately tells him, we cant be in here together! The kid says..."BUTTFACE" and tries to kick Kolby while he is going to the restroom! Well, Kolby snaps at this point and pushes the kid up against the wall! That is the part where two boys come in and are considered the "witnesses" which never saw the beginning point! They all go to the office and guess what??? Yep...Kolby gets suspended and the other "BULLY" kid goes back to class! When I received this call I was just beside myself! I can't remember the last time I was this angry! Especially when she told me that they were going to have to fill out a bullying report on Kolby! I told them I would be there shortly to pick him up! I actually shocked myself because at this point I felt like I had so much to say to this kid! SO of course, knowing that this is not the right way to be...I said a prayer before I went into the school! It actually just took the edge off! I was still VERY UPSET! I went in and insisted to speak to the principle! I told him that I have always listened to what the school authorities have told me and taken action when I needed to with my child but this time...THEY WERE WRONG! I told them if they filled out a bullying report on Kolby that I was going to have so much to say and I would have to find out what our rights were! I still don't exactly know! But one thing is for sure I won't sit back and not speak up! It is just not right! Especially when you watch this kid get off the bus the very same day laughing about what happened until he saw me and then looked down at the floor! He knew he was wrong!
Shay told me he wants Kolby to just beat him up so this kid will quit picking on him! (That is how Shay was raised) And of course, I have said not to and Kolby said he knows if he does that that he will be the one to get in trouble! It is such a frustrating thing when you do all the right things and the system doesn't work in your behalf! I know I am just being tested and we will do the right thing! But I tell you, I am so ready to be done with this school year and on with the rest of my life! Even with all of my frustration with the whole thing...I sat Kolby down and talked with him about being the bigger person and how to handle this the civilized way! If we keep doing the right thing that the Lord will bless us and we will be on our way with blessings coming our way! I told him that I was angry too and have every right to be but this is when we have to do the right thing and this is when doing the right thing really matters! SO WE WILL!
Life is never fair and you will be tested over and over and over again! The winner is the one that in the face of trial can rise above it and make good choices! I know it seems impossible to find joy in all things but the real Joy in this situation comes from not giving in to your anger and unfair situations! I will conquer this....I will! I know that my joy will come from handling this in the right manner! In the meantime....Kolby and I will have fun until he goes back to school next week!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
My angel boy...S H E L B Y R A Y
Have you ever been going along in your day and all of a sudden just get emotional out of the blue and don't even know why? Until you have some time to reflect and figure out what it is from! This is something that happens to me and it doesn't take long to realize where my thoughts and memories come from!
It happened the other day and I was reminded that May is my sweet Shelby's birthday! The person I was with asked me why the tears...I said "Oh just realized that my son's birthday is in a few days." They said,"that should make you smile" I said,"Well of course I smile that I had the chance to know him and call him my son but his birth also represents that I lost him and for a few days I may feel the human feelings and it's ok to feel them!
Many people have expressed the opinion that one should be over it, or that so much time should have healed you, or that you should not express the sadness from it! I am here to say that it is the healthiest thing I have learned through the process is to EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS! I am not ashamed to feel the loss and even shed tears whenever you need to! I have learned that it doesn't mean that you are depressed or that you can't function...It truly becomes a reflection time that I have learned to treasure. Being an extrovert normally, this time usually makes me a little more introverted and allows more reflective time for the memories that I want to have.
On May 21st, my 3rd child (first son) was born! Shelby Ray Earl! I love to say his name! I remember back when he was born.... I was so excited to see what a boy would look like. I remember calling my mom and telling her I needed to go to the hospital. She knowing it was my 3rd child asked no questions and came to pick me up since Shay was not home at the time! Upon arrival to the hospital I received my normal response that it didn't "look like" I was in labor. I proceeded to tell them that even though I am laughing and smiling...I promise I am in labor! So they admit me and call my doctor! And like I said...I was in labor! I always tease and say my pain and suffering came later from my loss but not during labor or delivery. When I am in labor I am always giggly and cant quit laughing! Not your normal reactions...so they never believe me! But of course their believing me does not stop the facts of the machine proving that I am in labor! So a few short hours later...I have a baby boy!
I was SOOO EXCITED to see what my son would look like...Of course, we immediately scan him over for any blisters as that would identify whether or not he had the same skin disease that I had previously lost my daughter to. I didn't initially see anything! But then they put him on my stomach with his back to me and I was about to roll him over to see his BEAUTIFUL face and all of a sudden his little hand fell over in my face and there it was....A BLISTER on his middle finger! If you didn't know what you were looking for it could have been easily missed! I saw it...I knew it...And in that moment when you should feel the Joy of a new child my mind immediately started thinking of a funeral! I cried and cried knowing what this meant! I wiped my tears and decided in an instant that I was going to enjoy and cherish every moment from that point on!
I told them what he had and they took him away for what I thought was to clean him up! When they brought him back they brought him in an incubator and told me I could not hold him or touch him! I was a different mom this time around! I had learned so much from the experience of having my daughter, Shealyn 4 years previous. I had taken a real life crash course on Epidermolysis Bullousa Junctional Recessive disease and I was going to be his ADVOCATE! I told them to take him out of the incubator... that was not what he needed and that I could hold him. I told them at that point that they couldn't hold him! They argued, but a mother that has already experienced this and lost a child from the same disease didn't need to be told what to do when I was the one telling them what he had! I insisted to see the attending physician and plead my case of what the instructions would be from then on! After awhile....THEY LISTENED! The journey then began of following a mothers instincts. Even though I lived most of his life in the ICU at Children's Medical Center after that...I did cherish all the time that I had with him! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET SHELBY! Until we meet again! I love you!
I find great joy in the memories that i cherish so dearly!
Shelby is the sweet baby next to Shay and Kolby! This family picture was drawn with all pencil and they added Shealyn and Shelby(without his bobo's) so that I had a picture with all of my babies!
It happened the other day and I was reminded that May is my sweet Shelby's birthday! The person I was with asked me why the tears...I said "Oh just realized that my son's birthday is in a few days." They said,"that should make you smile" I said,"Well of course I smile that I had the chance to know him and call him my son but his birth also represents that I lost him and for a few days I may feel the human feelings and it's ok to feel them!
Many people have expressed the opinion that one should be over it, or that so much time should have healed you, or that you should not express the sadness from it! I am here to say that it is the healthiest thing I have learned through the process is to EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS! I am not ashamed to feel the loss and even shed tears whenever you need to! I have learned that it doesn't mean that you are depressed or that you can't function...It truly becomes a reflection time that I have learned to treasure. Being an extrovert normally, this time usually makes me a little more introverted and allows more reflective time for the memories that I want to have.
On May 21st, my 3rd child (first son) was born! Shelby Ray Earl! I love to say his name! I remember back when he was born.... I was so excited to see what a boy would look like. I remember calling my mom and telling her I needed to go to the hospital. She knowing it was my 3rd child asked no questions and came to pick me up since Shay was not home at the time! Upon arrival to the hospital I received my normal response that it didn't "look like" I was in labor. I proceeded to tell them that even though I am laughing and smiling...I promise I am in labor! So they admit me and call my doctor! And like I said...I was in labor! I always tease and say my pain and suffering came later from my loss but not during labor or delivery. When I am in labor I am always giggly and cant quit laughing! Not your normal reactions...so they never believe me! But of course their believing me does not stop the facts of the machine proving that I am in labor! So a few short hours later...I have a baby boy!
I was SOOO EXCITED to see what my son would look like...Of course, we immediately scan him over for any blisters as that would identify whether or not he had the same skin disease that I had previously lost my daughter to. I didn't initially see anything! But then they put him on my stomach with his back to me and I was about to roll him over to see his BEAUTIFUL face and all of a sudden his little hand fell over in my face and there it was....A BLISTER on his middle finger! If you didn't know what you were looking for it could have been easily missed! I saw it...I knew it...And in that moment when you should feel the Joy of a new child my mind immediately started thinking of a funeral! I cried and cried knowing what this meant! I wiped my tears and decided in an instant that I was going to enjoy and cherish every moment from that point on!
I told them what he had and they took him away for what I thought was to clean him up! When they brought him back they brought him in an incubator and told me I could not hold him or touch him! I was a different mom this time around! I had learned so much from the experience of having my daughter, Shealyn 4 years previous. I had taken a real life crash course on Epidermolysis Bullousa Junctional Recessive disease and I was going to be his ADVOCATE! I told them to take him out of the incubator... that was not what he needed and that I could hold him. I told them at that point that they couldn't hold him! They argued, but a mother that has already experienced this and lost a child from the same disease didn't need to be told what to do when I was the one telling them what he had! I insisted to see the attending physician and plead my case of what the instructions would be from then on! After awhile....THEY LISTENED! The journey then began of following a mothers instincts. Even though I lived most of his life in the ICU at Children's Medical Center after that...I did cherish all the time that I had with him! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET SHELBY! Until we meet again! I love you!
I find great joy in the memories that i cherish so dearly!
Shelby is the sweet baby next to Shay and Kolby! This family picture was drawn with all pencil and they added Shealyn and Shelby(without his bobo's) so that I had a picture with all of my babies!
Monday, May 14, 2012
In HINDSIGHT...
I always have so much on my mind but many times can't seem to find what I want to write about! Tonight I was in the mood to write and have started several times and erased....write and erase!
I really feel impressed to share the many blessings that I have come to realize since the tornado!
That wonderful thing called HINDSIGHT! It really is an incredible thing if you think about it! Have you ever thought how many things you realize later when at first you don't see at all? Well, I have had many things come to my realization since the devastation and very scary experience of the tornado that came so close to taking so much! When in reality it brought so much!
We have talked and talked and shared the stories over and over and each time we share I realize more and more just how AWESOME the whole experience is! I have witnessed many miracles! I have totally seen the Lord's hand in our life through this whole experience!
I remember my husband telling me that since we were living in the hotel that it would be smarter and more economic to move back to our house that had not sold yet! We actually thought maybe this was why our house had not sold so that we had a place to go! I fought it and fought it but then decided it was the most economical thing to do! I told him on a Saturday (2 weeks after the tornado hit) that I guess he was right! We were going to take action starting on Monday to prepare for that and on Monday morning I received a call from my realtor that the lender came through for our buyer and that the house would close on 2 days! WOW! OUR HOUSE SOLD! What a confirmation that we were meant to be right where we are! Now we have started the steps to buiding our house which was the whole reason we moved to Forney in the first place!
I lost my car in the tornado...it was totalled! It felt really sad to feel like your car has been taken away and that things would not be the same! I do miss my car..however realizing how blessed we were that we still had Shay's car to use! You see, the day of the tornado Shay had come home just before the tornado and then realized that one of Kolby's friends was home alone and left to get him! What a blessing that was in hindsight because his car had been spared! It is what I drive now! He rides his motorcycle for now and I use his car! If he had been home his car would have been destroyed too! What a blessing!
I think of all of the things that have been inconvenient....having to get to completely dressed to take the dog out in the mornings or anytime. Spending a whole day doing laundry and sitting in the laundry room watching your clothes. Eating out almost every meal. A family of 4 living within 4 walls. Having no privacy. ONE BATHROOM. and much, much more!
You see, I have learned to appreciate life at a deeper level! The little things that felt annoying have taught me so much! I have learned to appreciate taking the dog out and have actually had some of the best conversations with my daughter when we are just walking around the hotel walking our sweet little "Choppa!"
I have learned to appreciate slowing down! Laundry day has become another place to chit chat with my kids or read!
Eating out has made me realize that I should have been cooking more when I had the opportunity to do so! We are so tired of eating out! We had gotten into bad habits of eating out to much but now that we don't have the chance to even make a home cooked meal if we wanted to ....WE CAN'T.... it has gotten OLD so FAST! I have also realized that I need to be exercising and have recently changed some of my not so healthy habits! I am grateful for this new outlook that pushed me right into the gym! I also cant wait to have the opportunity to prepare meals for my family and have family dinner again around the table together!
I have watched my kids have to sacrifice so many things and have actually been very proud of their outlook! It has forced them to spend every moment together sleeping very close to each other, sharing the same TV, sharing the same space, taking turns with the "comfy" spot, taking turns with many things! Well, I am thankful for the wonderful lessons that they have had as I have watched them get closer and spend more time being friends!
We have recognized more clearly what is important, we have become even closer, we have learned alot about sacrifice, we have learned that you really don't need much to be happy, we have learned more clearly how to truly find JOY in our JOURNEY!
We have been strengthened in our faith and TRULY the tornado has given us SO MUCH MORE than it ever took away!
Find Joy in the Journey in all that you face because the time will come that you realize in HINDSIGHT how beautiful the experiences truly are!
I really feel impressed to share the many blessings that I have come to realize since the tornado!
That wonderful thing called HINDSIGHT! It really is an incredible thing if you think about it! Have you ever thought how many things you realize later when at first you don't see at all? Well, I have had many things come to my realization since the devastation and very scary experience of the tornado that came so close to taking so much! When in reality it brought so much!
We have talked and talked and shared the stories over and over and each time we share I realize more and more just how AWESOME the whole experience is! I have witnessed many miracles! I have totally seen the Lord's hand in our life through this whole experience!
I remember my husband telling me that since we were living in the hotel that it would be smarter and more economic to move back to our house that had not sold yet! We actually thought maybe this was why our house had not sold so that we had a place to go! I fought it and fought it but then decided it was the most economical thing to do! I told him on a Saturday (2 weeks after the tornado hit) that I guess he was right! We were going to take action starting on Monday to prepare for that and on Monday morning I received a call from my realtor that the lender came through for our buyer and that the house would close on 2 days! WOW! OUR HOUSE SOLD! What a confirmation that we were meant to be right where we are! Now we have started the steps to buiding our house which was the whole reason we moved to Forney in the first place!
I lost my car in the tornado...it was totalled! It felt really sad to feel like your car has been taken away and that things would not be the same! I do miss my car..however realizing how blessed we were that we still had Shay's car to use! You see, the day of the tornado Shay had come home just before the tornado and then realized that one of Kolby's friends was home alone and left to get him! What a blessing that was in hindsight because his car had been spared! It is what I drive now! He rides his motorcycle for now and I use his car! If he had been home his car would have been destroyed too! What a blessing!
I think of all of the things that have been inconvenient....having to get to completely dressed to take the dog out in the mornings or anytime. Spending a whole day doing laundry and sitting in the laundry room watching your clothes. Eating out almost every meal. A family of 4 living within 4 walls. Having no privacy. ONE BATHROOM. and much, much more!
You see, I have learned to appreciate life at a deeper level! The little things that felt annoying have taught me so much! I have learned to appreciate taking the dog out and have actually had some of the best conversations with my daughter when we are just walking around the hotel walking our sweet little "Choppa!"
I have learned to appreciate slowing down! Laundry day has become another place to chit chat with my kids or read!
Eating out has made me realize that I should have been cooking more when I had the opportunity to do so! We are so tired of eating out! We had gotten into bad habits of eating out to much but now that we don't have the chance to even make a home cooked meal if we wanted to ....WE CAN'T.... it has gotten OLD so FAST! I have also realized that I need to be exercising and have recently changed some of my not so healthy habits! I am grateful for this new outlook that pushed me right into the gym! I also cant wait to have the opportunity to prepare meals for my family and have family dinner again around the table together!
I have watched my kids have to sacrifice so many things and have actually been very proud of their outlook! It has forced them to spend every moment together sleeping very close to each other, sharing the same TV, sharing the same space, taking turns with the "comfy" spot, taking turns with many things! Well, I am thankful for the wonderful lessons that they have had as I have watched them get closer and spend more time being friends!
We have recognized more clearly what is important, we have become even closer, we have learned alot about sacrifice, we have learned that you really don't need much to be happy, we have learned more clearly how to truly find JOY in our JOURNEY!
We have been strengthened in our faith and TRULY the tornado has given us SO MUCH MORE than it ever took away!
Find Joy in the Journey in all that you face because the time will come that you realize in HINDSIGHT how beautiful the experiences truly are!
Monday, May 7, 2012
I'm going BLIND!
I do quite a bit of traveling and I mostly travel Southwest Airlines. On SWA you can choose where you sit! This has become one of my favorite parts of flying....Who am I going to sit by? As I walk down the isle I look and decide...HMMMM Where am I going to sit ? When I see that person that strikes me I take a seat! I have had the BEST experiences and conversations...But this one was one of my favorites!
I walked down the isle and there was a middle seat available and it was in between what I would have called 2 grandmas! Both white hair and the perfect hairsprayed curled hair with glasses if you can imagine! I sat down and thanked them for letting me sit there! And then both of them picked up their books and began reading! I thought it was going to be a quiet flight!
I remember feeling like I wanted to talk to her but didn't want to distract her from reading! So I didn't!
A little bit later I had the thought again to talk to her so when I saw her put her book down I asked her, "how she was liking her book?" She said, "Well, it's OK" I am trying to read as much as I can before I go blind!" I of course was like, WOW! I was impressed and shocked all at the same time! Not your normal response! So she begins telling me about her mother and that she has been blind now for about 5 years and that she has the same symptoms of her mother and has already been told that she will be blind too!
She proceeds to tell me all the things that she is practicing on preparing for when she goes blind! Apparently, it can happen just one random day and not necessarily a progression! So she was telling me that everyday for about 1 hour she practices "being blind" She covers her eyes and counts steps around her house to the bathroom, the kitchen, and different pathways. She practices taking a shower with her eyes covered and getting in and out of the tub! She practices going up and down the stairs and etc. I was so intrigued by her and enjoyed the conversation thoroughly!
She said, "My husband makes fun of me sometimes and he tells me..."You are not going blind yet!" She said back to him..."And I'm not gonna learn over night either!" What a beautiful attitude! It totally made me think of all the things that I could prepare for!
She said, I love my husband but I have learned that the Lord teaches us beautiful lessons through our spouses! She asked me if I was married and I said Yes! She said that I should imagine being married to him without either my sight or hearing! What would I do different? She said to live my life with that in mind and it makes you appreciate him more everyday! What an interesting thought! It really is true!
So she begins to tell me more about her mother and how drastic of a change it was for her when she went blind! She lives in a nursing home and she told me how sad it is because she used to love flowers! She used to buy them for her for the fragrance but it makes her too sad because she can't see the beauty! That was her mothers favorite part of flowers was to see her garden! So I proceeded to tell her about Scentsy and she said well young lady...you are an answer to my prayers. I was shocked again! She said I have tried and tried to think of something and even prayed to find something that I can bring smell into my mothers life without bringing the sadness of what she cant see! She said, "Of course, candles were out!" And she was so excited about this new possibility! She teared up reading the description of each fragrance! She said, "Oh she will love that smell and that smell. Oh this smell will remind her of...." She was so excited and couldn't order quick enough! It made me tear up! A stranger taught me so many lessons that I still think about!
We exchanged numbers and info and she just looked at me said, "Thank you so much for speaking to me. Thanks for choosing to sit next to me so that you could tell me about Scentsy!" I couldn't thank her enough for blessing my life! I have thought of her many times and even though our paths may never cross again....But, I am forever grateful for the things she taught me!
I so believe this and I say it all the time...that God is waiting to place people in your path! I was so blessed by this wise woman! Never take for granted the places you find yourself in on any given day and the chance to discover the beauty of other people! I wonder if we would have ever spoke to each other had I not spoken first to her! She might have just continued to read her book!
It reminded me of the analogy "TO ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE" God is waiting for us to reach out and then he blesses our life so fully! I could have never reached out to her and my life would have never been blessed like it was from learning from this beautiful wise lady! But instead my life was blessed because I followed the 2nd prompting I had to speak to her that day!
Find JOY in the strangers in your life that are waiting to be your ANGELS!
I walked down the isle and there was a middle seat available and it was in between what I would have called 2 grandmas! Both white hair and the perfect hairsprayed curled hair with glasses if you can imagine! I sat down and thanked them for letting me sit there! And then both of them picked up their books and began reading! I thought it was going to be a quiet flight!
I remember feeling like I wanted to talk to her but didn't want to distract her from reading! So I didn't!
A little bit later I had the thought again to talk to her so when I saw her put her book down I asked her, "how she was liking her book?" She said, "Well, it's OK" I am trying to read as much as I can before I go blind!" I of course was like, WOW! I was impressed and shocked all at the same time! Not your normal response! So she begins telling me about her mother and that she has been blind now for about 5 years and that she has the same symptoms of her mother and has already been told that she will be blind too!
She proceeds to tell me all the things that she is practicing on preparing for when she goes blind! Apparently, it can happen just one random day and not necessarily a progression! So she was telling me that everyday for about 1 hour she practices "being blind" She covers her eyes and counts steps around her house to the bathroom, the kitchen, and different pathways. She practices taking a shower with her eyes covered and getting in and out of the tub! She practices going up and down the stairs and etc. I was so intrigued by her and enjoyed the conversation thoroughly!
She said, "My husband makes fun of me sometimes and he tells me..."You are not going blind yet!" She said back to him..."And I'm not gonna learn over night either!" What a beautiful attitude! It totally made me think of all the things that I could prepare for!
She said, I love my husband but I have learned that the Lord teaches us beautiful lessons through our spouses! She asked me if I was married and I said Yes! She said that I should imagine being married to him without either my sight or hearing! What would I do different? She said to live my life with that in mind and it makes you appreciate him more everyday! What an interesting thought! It really is true!
So she begins to tell me more about her mother and how drastic of a change it was for her when she went blind! She lives in a nursing home and she told me how sad it is because she used to love flowers! She used to buy them for her for the fragrance but it makes her too sad because she can't see the beauty! That was her mothers favorite part of flowers was to see her garden! So I proceeded to tell her about Scentsy and she said well young lady...you are an answer to my prayers. I was shocked again! She said I have tried and tried to think of something and even prayed to find something that I can bring smell into my mothers life without bringing the sadness of what she cant see! She said, "Of course, candles were out!" And she was so excited about this new possibility! She teared up reading the description of each fragrance! She said, "Oh she will love that smell and that smell. Oh this smell will remind her of...." She was so excited and couldn't order quick enough! It made me tear up! A stranger taught me so many lessons that I still think about!
We exchanged numbers and info and she just looked at me said, "Thank you so much for speaking to me. Thanks for choosing to sit next to me so that you could tell me about Scentsy!" I couldn't thank her enough for blessing my life! I have thought of her many times and even though our paths may never cross again....But, I am forever grateful for the things she taught me!
I so believe this and I say it all the time...that God is waiting to place people in your path! I was so blessed by this wise woman! Never take for granted the places you find yourself in on any given day and the chance to discover the beauty of other people! I wonder if we would have ever spoke to each other had I not spoken first to her! She might have just continued to read her book!
It reminded me of the analogy "TO ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE" God is waiting for us to reach out and then he blesses our life so fully! I could have never reached out to her and my life would have never been blessed like it was from learning from this beautiful wise lady! But instead my life was blessed because I followed the 2nd prompting I had to speak to her that day!
Find JOY in the strangers in your life that are waiting to be your ANGELS!
Friday, May 4, 2012
DISTRACTED!
Have you ever been going along and thinking everything was pretty good and BAM....Out of nowhere something happens to change things? It could be a phone call, an accident, another person, a tornado, or even just simply being sick. However, you are left to pick up the pieces and also left trying to figure out how you feel about things!
This is how my life has felt many, many times! Trial after trial! So many times I have been left trying to figure out how to cope and move forward past the pain of what life throws at you! This last trial of the tornado really threw me for a loop! It changed our lifestyle, it changed our routines, it changed our living arrangements, it changed how we eat (meals out every single day), it changed almost everything!
After the initial shock and devastation of something to this extreme, the experiences of life and especially after tornado devastation you are left sorting out your emotions! Being a natural optimist, I figured that I would continue looking to the bright side of the situation. I fought to see the positive in the whole situation. But I found that no matter how hard I tried, some days I could not pull it off. I could not find my smile. I would read my positive quotes, pray, say affirming statements, listen to music, read uplifting messages, etc. But some days NOTHING could get me up and NOTHING could stop the tears!
I realized that I wasn't feeling happy like my days usually were! I realized that I was DISTRACTED! I had been so thrown off of my regular, normal routine that I couldn't even figure out a new normal!
How many times has something happened in your day to DISTRACT you? Your day is going along JUST FINE and all of a sudden out of nowhere you are mad, sad, angry or feeling helpless all in a second. Of course what happens when you get distracted...normally your mood has a shift of some sort. So then you are not your normal self and you react differently to things, and you respond differently to people or your family. You are moody and everyone is asking what the heck is wrong with you! So you are not only distracted but then you have all these other things that happen as a result of you being distracted!
Even with my optimistic attitude I realized that this was a huge shift to go through! It took me back trying to figure out the basics of life! Where to live, what to eat, clothes to wear. Life is not normal and where do we go from here? I found happy spots in every day and looked to bright side always but every night for about 2 weeks the tears would just stroll down my face! Wondering how it was going to all work out! Then I realized how many times I have been here before. Not from a tornado but just any trial. I remember another memory from awhile back going through a great day and receiving a phone call from someone that just totally took me by surprise and left me wondering what the heck just happened! Or when my children died. Or like yesterday, getting a call from the my bank fraud department that someone was trying to steal money from my account from another state(thank goodness they caught it) Or maybe an unhappy memory from your past creeps up that leaves you reliving things you don't need to! Those moments that bring you to your knees (well I hope that is where you go) Well, I have been on my knees. I have asked for help, I have asked for guidance. I was answered.
The answer I received in my heart goes like this.... "Heather, you are not looking out! You are Distracted!" It was that simple! My first thought was well of course I can't look out right now...I'm trying to figure out what can get our life back to normal or at least a a new normal! Of course, I'm distracted right now! So i took yet another day wondering why I couldn't get back to that JOY I always find in any situation. Not that my days weren't happy or that I couldn't find things to be happy about but why I had to work so hard to be happy! I didn't feel like myself! I am usually naturally happy and I wasn't feeling it through my days! I was actually feeling lonely and down! I was distracted even from the things that I used to do to create happiness and JOY for me personally! You see, even though I had to figure out a new normal for my family I wasn't spending my days reaching out to people, making my daily calls to brighten someones day, sending messages to people that pop up on in my mind and acting on my promptings. Because of the tornado I was forced to look inward for awhile and figure things out but I was so distracted that I had forgotten to reach out to others. That is where my JOY comes...and JOY will ALWAYS COME FROM.
So I had the chance to make some phone calls and send messages to a few people that have been on my mind! I acted on my promptings instead of being so consumed with what I am going through! And I realized what the truest meaning of DISTRACTED meant! Of course Satan wants you to be DISTRACTED...because that is when you are off your game. That is when you feel insecure. That is when you feel vulnerable to emotion or bad eating habits. That is when you feel lazy. That is when you feel like not getting done all that you need to get done. That is when you feel like giving up. That is when you want say things that you don't mean. That is when you forget to have faith and let the trial takes its natural course. That is when you forget to feel grateful for the blessings in the trial and focus only on the trial. That is when you react instead of being reasonable. Any number of things can happen when you are DISTRACTED! So the next time that you feel DISTRACTED and like you are not feeling like your normal self then you PROBABLY NEED TO LOOK UP AND OUT! Say Thank you about your blessings. Serve someone, act on a prompting to brighten someones day! I had the chance to buy flowers for a couple of people that have gone out of their way to think of me daily and IT FELT GOOD! Then last night I had the chance to have my SEEDS OF SUCCESS Scentsy meeting and IT FELT GOOD! Anytime you are looking out and doing for others....IT'S GONNA FEEL GOOD!
So no matter what comes your way to distract you...even if its someone that cuts you off on the highway or you feel unfairly treated or you get hit by a tornado....REMEMBER TO LOOK OUTWARD NO MATTER WHAT AND YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THE JOY THROUGH THE TRIAL THAT YOU ARE MEANT TO FEEL!
Find the JOY in LOOKING OUTWARD to others even when life makes you feel like you can't. No matter what you are feeling from your trial it will make you FEEL GOOD to reach out and to serve or to do for another instead of focusing on what is causing your trial or pain!
This is how my life has felt many, many times! Trial after trial! So many times I have been left trying to figure out how to cope and move forward past the pain of what life throws at you! This last trial of the tornado really threw me for a loop! It changed our lifestyle, it changed our routines, it changed our living arrangements, it changed how we eat (meals out every single day), it changed almost everything!
After the initial shock and devastation of something to this extreme, the experiences of life and especially after tornado devastation you are left sorting out your emotions! Being a natural optimist, I figured that I would continue looking to the bright side of the situation. I fought to see the positive in the whole situation. But I found that no matter how hard I tried, some days I could not pull it off. I could not find my smile. I would read my positive quotes, pray, say affirming statements, listen to music, read uplifting messages, etc. But some days NOTHING could get me up and NOTHING could stop the tears!
I realized that I wasn't feeling happy like my days usually were! I realized that I was DISTRACTED! I had been so thrown off of my regular, normal routine that I couldn't even figure out a new normal!
How many times has something happened in your day to DISTRACT you? Your day is going along JUST FINE and all of a sudden out of nowhere you are mad, sad, angry or feeling helpless all in a second. Of course what happens when you get distracted...normally your mood has a shift of some sort. So then you are not your normal self and you react differently to things, and you respond differently to people or your family. You are moody and everyone is asking what the heck is wrong with you! So you are not only distracted but then you have all these other things that happen as a result of you being distracted!
Even with my optimistic attitude I realized that this was a huge shift to go through! It took me back trying to figure out the basics of life! Where to live, what to eat, clothes to wear. Life is not normal and where do we go from here? I found happy spots in every day and looked to bright side always but every night for about 2 weeks the tears would just stroll down my face! Wondering how it was going to all work out! Then I realized how many times I have been here before. Not from a tornado but just any trial. I remember another memory from awhile back going through a great day and receiving a phone call from someone that just totally took me by surprise and left me wondering what the heck just happened! Or when my children died. Or like yesterday, getting a call from the my bank fraud department that someone was trying to steal money from my account from another state(thank goodness they caught it) Or maybe an unhappy memory from your past creeps up that leaves you reliving things you don't need to! Those moments that bring you to your knees (well I hope that is where you go) Well, I have been on my knees. I have asked for help, I have asked for guidance. I was answered.
The answer I received in my heart goes like this.... "Heather, you are not looking out! You are Distracted!" It was that simple! My first thought was well of course I can't look out right now...I'm trying to figure out what can get our life back to normal or at least a a new normal! Of course, I'm distracted right now! So i took yet another day wondering why I couldn't get back to that JOY I always find in any situation. Not that my days weren't happy or that I couldn't find things to be happy about but why I had to work so hard to be happy! I didn't feel like myself! I am usually naturally happy and I wasn't feeling it through my days! I was actually feeling lonely and down! I was distracted even from the things that I used to do to create happiness and JOY for me personally! You see, even though I had to figure out a new normal for my family I wasn't spending my days reaching out to people, making my daily calls to brighten someones day, sending messages to people that pop up on in my mind and acting on my promptings. Because of the tornado I was forced to look inward for awhile and figure things out but I was so distracted that I had forgotten to reach out to others. That is where my JOY comes...and JOY will ALWAYS COME FROM.
So I had the chance to make some phone calls and send messages to a few people that have been on my mind! I acted on my promptings instead of being so consumed with what I am going through! And I realized what the truest meaning of DISTRACTED meant! Of course Satan wants you to be DISTRACTED...because that is when you are off your game. That is when you feel insecure. That is when you feel vulnerable to emotion or bad eating habits. That is when you feel lazy. That is when you feel like not getting done all that you need to get done. That is when you feel like giving up. That is when you want say things that you don't mean. That is when you forget to have faith and let the trial takes its natural course. That is when you forget to feel grateful for the blessings in the trial and focus only on the trial. That is when you react instead of being reasonable. Any number of things can happen when you are DISTRACTED! So the next time that you feel DISTRACTED and like you are not feeling like your normal self then you PROBABLY NEED TO LOOK UP AND OUT! Say Thank you about your blessings. Serve someone, act on a prompting to brighten someones day! I had the chance to buy flowers for a couple of people that have gone out of their way to think of me daily and IT FELT GOOD! Then last night I had the chance to have my SEEDS OF SUCCESS Scentsy meeting and IT FELT GOOD! Anytime you are looking out and doing for others....IT'S GONNA FEEL GOOD!
So no matter what comes your way to distract you...even if its someone that cuts you off on the highway or you feel unfairly treated or you get hit by a tornado....REMEMBER TO LOOK OUTWARD NO MATTER WHAT AND YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THE JOY THROUGH THE TRIAL THAT YOU ARE MEANT TO FEEL!
Find the JOY in LOOKING OUTWARD to others even when life makes you feel like you can't. No matter what you are feeling from your trial it will make you FEEL GOOD to reach out and to serve or to do for another instead of focusing on what is causing your trial or pain!
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