Tuesday, February 19, 2013

High Maintenance!!!!

Why is it that we can hear 100 kind or loving compliments that make us feel special and loved but ONE simple comment made by one individual that sticks with us can torment us and be a trigger thought to make us think we are less or it taunts our mind over and over? Am I the only one who does this?

 Due to much experience in this area I have gotten MUCH better at letting go of hurtful words of others and rising above what some people say to me, about me or behind my back!  But every now and then, something someone says can stick with me and I analyze it and RE-Analyze it and sometimes analyze it again!

Well, about a year ago at an event that I was attending...It was in between activities and I was sitting on the couch in the lobby and there was another girl sitting on the other couch and we began chatting! She was cute and pregnant and so I started a conversation asking when her baby was due and what names had they picked out and so on! Then she asked me a couple of questions like where was I from and how many kids did I have! Then she said, something that has stuck with me for a year!!! Yes a year! She said, "YOU'RE HIGH MAINTENANCE AREN'T YOU?'  I actually laughed out loud...(because I am so the opposite of high maintenance! In fact, my daughter teases me of how little time I spend getting ready and selecting my outfits and I will throw on a pair of flip-flops IN A SECOND!) hahahha So, I responded, by laughing and said, "UM NO I am actually so not high maintenance! I throw this curly hair up in a second and I'm a wash and go kind of girl! Don't wear much make up so I 'm in and out of the mirror in 5 minutes sometimes less! Then she kind of raised her eyebrows and didn't really say much else! I totally felt awkward  cause it was almost like one of those little stings that people throw at you! But, I truly don't even think she meant any harm! I complimented her on her outfit because her skirt was totally cute and was on my way!

I can't tell you how many times her words have encountered my mind since then! One of my weaknesses through my life was believing the WORDS OF OTHERS! Like I said earlier that I have truly strengthened myself in that area but I still have tendencies to hang on to unkind words and battle them in my mind  and this was one  of those times that I just could not get rid what was said to me!  Many times when I would look in the mirror her words would cross my mind! I continued to tell myself that she meant no harm and so I decided to look up the definition of ...High Maintenance!

HIGH MAINTENANCE: Requiring alot of attention, exaggerates to gain attention, expensive taste, never comfortable, constantly concerned about her appearance, judges others based on outward appearance, narcissistic and mean, typically a person who thinks that the price of things equals value, stuck up, drama queen, demanding, expects alot, depends on everyone else!

Well, just like my subconscious had thought  all this time it didn't feel good for a reason! I tried to give the benefit of the doubt but after reading the description of this.... I thought, "Who would say something like that?" Especially because she didn't know me! She only went off of my looks to assume!

So I battled with it a little more...It actually became more funny to me because I kept thinking...If she only knew...I will buy a piece of clothing at a garage sale or the sale rack ANYTIME! I have a few things that I just had to have and bought myself but overall...I will run to the discounts! If she only knew...that I am HUGE about accepting others AS THEY ARE and I look on the heart. If she only knew...I am so not mean in fact, I would question if there is even a mean bone in my body. If she only knew...at the grocery store I buy off brand. If she only knew...I give, I serve, I love, I do for others before myself, I care so deeply for others that it hurts, I cry when others cry, I'm compassionate, I never expect anything in return!

I thought if she made that assumption on my outside appearance then she didn't realize how easy curly hair is to maintain! I look in my closet and literally grab this and grab that and throw it together and then slide on coordinating color of flip flops! hahaha oh and if it's because my toenails are always polished well this is why....

When I was in the hospital for months while my child was dying! A sweet lady came into the waiting room with a basket on her arm. She looked around the room and said she was there to give love and serve. She found me that day... She asked me could she give me a pedicure and make me feel special! I lived in that ICU waiting room for months without leaving to the outside world. I cried and said that I would love for her too! She proceeded to get warm water to fill her bucket and gently massaged my feet with lotion for a long time! ( I still cry thinking of the love that she offered to me that day) She took a little over an hour and ended by painting my toenails really pretty! What she did for me that day has lasted a lifetime! I don't know who she was but I hope God is blessing her everyday because she gave me a gift that day that I can only repay by paying it forward! So to this day, It is the one self indulgent thing that I do every two weeks like clock work! And now I enjoy it with my husband! It is so beyond a vanity thing! My toes represent a life changing day for me! They will always be painted and blingy representing happiness and a refreshing love that a stranger gave to me while I endured watching my child slowly die!

Please, never assume and make judgements of someone and say things that can injure the heart!
FIND JOY IN LOVING OTHERS and doing what you can to be like the "pedicure lady" There are opportunities all around EVERY DAY! You just have to desire to give and love! Give more of yourself. You never know whose life you can change for a lifetime!

I promise that your life will be more full of everything good when you reach out and touch others lives! And when you get  a compliment, remember it! Believe that they meant it and repeat it to your mind often! Don't believe the words that are meant to hurt! You don't need those people in your life! You deserve to have people in your life that see the BEST in you! And lastly, DON'T BELIEVE the lies in your head that many times come from someone else! You are worth more than GOLD! You are beautiful and worthy and deserving!




So in the end, I'm thankful for the words High Maintenance...cause I realized that it does take alot of maintenance to LOVE FULLY and to build strong relationships, and to serve, and to grow a stronger relationship with your Father in Heaven! It takes tons of time and maintenance to do all of those things! So that is my new definition of High Maintenance!

Friday, February 15, 2013

My Valentine's Miracle

It was early on Valentine's morning and I could NOT keep my mind from spinning! I was doing my normal morning routine when I was overwhelmed with longing thoughts for  my dad! I was reminiscing and having memories flow through my head! I was thinking about my two most fond memories that I have had through the years that I missed so much. The two people that always made Valentines special was my dad and my grandpa (my mom's dad) Both of which are in Heaven.

As long as I can remember, every single Valentine's Day WITHOUT FAIL... I received a card in the mail, as well as my kids, from my grandpa! Signed...Granddaddy Ray! It was special because it was the one thing I could always count on! He never failed to show his love on that day! I cherished them and still have every single card that he ever sent! I still remember that first Valentine's Day after he died and for the first time not getting that card in the mail! I am glad that I  kept them because I would pull them  all out at Valentines and set them all up to remember him and how special he always made me feel. But this time they are in storage so I couldn't get my hands on them!

The other very special memory was from my dad. He never failed to do some little small thing to show his love on this day. Often times it was a single flower. Many times a little chocolate and a handwritten card, one year I remember he drove over just for a hug and kiss and to look me in the eye and tell me that he loved me!  He never spent much if anything at all but it was always thoughtful and he always made a point to let me know he was thinking of me specifically.

Well, as you can see I was missing these two great men in my life! Then the next thought was... but I was just a daughter and granddaughter, and my thoughts immediately went to my mom and my grandma! If I was missing them this much today then I could not even imagine the longing that they must have for those special men in their life! I immediately had a sweet feeling come over me of how much they were loved and  adored by their husbands and I wondered if they knew it! I felt this prompting to do something special for them and to remind them of how much their husbands loved them! But what...I was limited because they live far from me so my only option was sending flowers!

So I immediately went to google and searched for flower shops in their area! After calling every single one that popped up...which was 16 to be exact...I was without luck! Of course it is Valentine's Day and everyone was swamped and not taking any more orders for delivery! I thought well it was a great thought! And then my very next thought was wait...if I was prompted to do this then I know there has got to be a way! I immediately closed my eyes and said a prayer, "Heavenly Father, please lead me to the place that can deliver flowers to my mom and my grandma today! I felt prompted to send them a message to remind them how much they are loved and well I know that if I was prompted to do this then you can help me find a way to make it happen, In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.





 I hit REFRESH on my phone and there it was....one new place that had not been on my previous list. 'HEAVENLY DESIGNS"
I immediately knew that my prayer was answered just by the name! Because what I haven't mentioned yet was that what I felt prompted to do was to send flowers to my mom, from my dad! And also send flowers to my grandma, from my grandpa! As soon as I saw the name of this flower shop, I had a chill head to toe that it was especially for me as a confirmation that He heard my prayer! I called and spoke to the kindest lady that proceeds to tell me that she had just called in an extra driver  to deliver so that she didn't have to turn anyone away! I told her what messages that I wanted to send and she said that she was going to make them extra special and was honored to take my order! I told her that I called to 16 other shops and was turned away! She told me that she had just turned her phones back on and I was the first call!

Those flowers were delivered to my sweet mom and grandma within an hour! I received very special and sweet messages from them both and what made it even more special was that it was form the flower shop named HEAVENLY DESIGN!

I strongly believe with all of my heart that Heavenly Father was witnessing to me His HEAVENLY DESIGN today! I am also aware that it started with longing thoughts for my dad and grandpa! Instead of letting the longing get me down I wanted to turn it around and do something special for others! Not only did I have the grandest confirmation that He allowed me to be His hands today...But he also guided my steps after I prayed and asked for His help. He was there at the tap of the REFRESH button!

How many times do we forget to call upon Him for the smallest things in our lives! It is just like hitting that refresh button! He is waiting to show us something that we haven't seen before!
And many times it is as fast as hitting the refresh button! He wants to refresh us with His love! He wants us to be His hands...and if we are willing to call upon Him..He will guide our steps to make it happen! It was the grandest pleasure today to send a message to my mom and grandma from Heaven and remind them of how much they were loved and adored by their Heavenly spouses!
It was special not only because I love them so much but that The Lord trusted me to be His Hands and be a witness to His promise tha tHe hears and answers our prayers!

Find JOY in PRAYER! Look for the opportunities to be His Hands and bless those around you! It brought the greatest JOY to me today to be a part of His HEAVENLY DESIGN!

I am grateful for His tender mercies and His constant blessings that He sends!

 For every miracle is a tender mercy from Him!

FOR NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!

Friday, February 8, 2013

I OVERCAME my worst enemy....Myself!!!

Well, it's after midnight and all I can think about is the keyboard! I have had some things on my mind the last few days. Someone made the comment to me recently that I was SOOOO OPTIMISTIC AND HAPPY and  she just wanted to know how I do it was her words to be exact! Well, I have some very specific answers as to why! But before I could write about that I needed to be open and honest (like I am all the time) but sometimes its tougher on these deeper subjects!

I will turn 38 in a couple of weeks but for many years of my life I battled my mind!  I have learned how to overcome....MY MIND!  I have lived with post traumatic  stress syndrome,(never really claimed that even though I was diagnosed) insecurity, lack of self esteem, lack of self worth and etc...You name it I probably experienced it! The funny thing is no-one really knew it! I have always been a happy natured and fun loving person! Someone who would love and share my love with anyone! So someone giving their love and energy to others isn't normally looked at as the kind of person that needs it back!

After losing my first child, it left me feeling empty....really empty! That emptiness somehow consumed me for awhile! Emptiness turned into loneliness! Loneliness turned into depression! Depression turned into lack of self esteem and lack of self esteem turned into lack of self worth! a vicious cycle! What happens to a person that doesn't think they are worth anything? Well, usually you look for comfort through unhealthy things...for me it was food! But more importantly you obviously don't see what God sees! It is a downward spiral ...for me it was major weight gain! Which only added to my depression! I refused medication because I just always had a fear of being addicted to anything! So I medicated myself with food! I longed for someone to come and be my friend and love me but no one really knew I was suffering! And then I lost another child and I saw all of the patterns resurface! I spent so many years trying to figure out how to move on after losing my kids that I didn't really no how to take care of myself!! It got the best of me quite often!

I always felt like less, I was not the same person anymore after losing my kids and I always had an eternal focus because of having my sweet babies in heaven! I was always thinking and analyzing....too much! I was hard on myself! I wanted to live a good life so that I could have my babies back! It consumed me! I didn't really fit in with groups because I couldn't stand spending time talking about things that didn't matter! I was always talking about deep things or I was emotional at any given moment! So I guess you could say I WAS A MESS! But then again, there is no manual that comes along with losing a child! I just went along trying to figure out life! My mind would tell me that I was too sensitive or that no one liked me or blah blah blah...it was ALL UNTRUE!

I found JOY in doing for others...it was just a part of me! So basically I went overboard and could never say NO to anyone! You can see what problems that would cause too! I was overextending myself! My mind was constantly telling me I wasn't good enough! How do we let our minds dictate these lies to ourselves!

Well, it took many years of battling my own mind to figure out that I could overcome it! And with all the experience that I have  had...I have perfected what to do with my tendencies that will always be there! You are who you are! Sensitive or not sensitive, quick to judge or not quick to judge, kind or mean, happy or moody, caring or selfish! You see we are who we are! We all have natural tendencies!

I decided one day that I had had enough of my mind telling me things that weren't true and me believing! So i began my journey of CHANGING MY THINKING AND CHANGING MY LIFE! It started with  reading and reading and reading and more reading! I discovered the power of the subconscious mind! I started feeding my mind an over abundance of positive! So much that I started to see some changes! But then those tendencies would come out and I would have set backs! I would get back down in the slumps...basically give up my own power! Well, then I'd pick myself up again but then the anniversary of my both of my sweet babies death would hit again and the vicious cycle would start all over again!

So, I read and read and read and exercised and read some more! I listened to music that moved me! I prayed and prayed and grew my relationship with my Heavenly Father! I have always had a close relationship with God but when we let ourselves get depressed...we don't have the same connection with Him! I acted and began to feel very close to Him again!  I felt the emptiness be filled with a LOVE that I couldn't even understand! As I continued to read my scriptures and pray and ask for strength to overcome....IT HAPPENED! I began to have less self doubt! I learned to embrace self-love. And I believe I am and will always be a student...I have discovered some very valuable techniques that have allowed me to become a very positive and secure optimist! Because those core tendencies will ALWAYS be there... you have to learn what to do when those tendencies show their ugly face! I have applied these successful techniques in relationships and in business! For one...I QUIT APOLOGIZING FOR WHO I AM! I have learned that I am perfect the way I am! I will constantly be growing, learning, evolving and working on myself and my imperfections....but those flaws make me...me!!! I believe that your heart is a precious gift and it is up to you to protect it, share it, open it and love yourself! Know your value! Know your worth!

If you say that you can't then you are saying that HE can't! Because with Him all things are possible! I make a choice everyday to be happy! When trials come...I face them, feel them and then make the best of them and see what I am to gain from them! SO actually my mindset is positive towards trials and hard times because I see it as an opportunity for growth and to become MORE!

You can overcome your mind! You just have to choose too and then read and fill it with positive stuff! When your mind wants to shut down and start telling you lies or you hear something that hurts you or trial causes you to get down....Remember to look up and He can fulfill every empty hole! He can renew your spirit! He can help you see your worth! He can help you find your purpose! He can help you overcome yourself! Immediately sing a happy song that you have selected for that moment or recite a quote or affirmation! Your subconscious mind will believe it! Read uplifting things, call a positive person who truly cares for you! Know your plan of what to do when your mind fills up with doubts or fear or worry or stress! You can get so good at it that you  can spend all your days HAPPY....TRULY HAPPY! Trials will come again and again but you can look to them as stepping stones! IT IS A CHOICE TO SEE THE GLASS HALF FULL! It's called "Learned OPTIMISM!  It is something that you can get better at with practice! The next time something happens to you that seems so unfair...remember you don't have to get down...You have a choice that you can make EVERY TIME! Give yourself a minute or two to feel appropriately then make the choice to see the good and seek the best out of it! You will do a whole lot of forgiving!





Find JOY in overcoming your weaknesses! You were born for a purpose and you have an amazing amount of potential....I even think an untapped potential! So love yourself, lift yourself up and share your heart, share yourself...Don't be afraid! People need you! Find JOY in changing your thinking and becoming all that you were meant to be!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Never miss your OPPORTUNITY!

I was teaching a lesson to the women at church Sunday, and I shared a story that I received a lot of positive feedback on so I decided to blog about my full experience! I love writing about my shortcomings and how I realize my purpose and turn it into a beautiful story of the Lord's tender mercies. They teach me every day.

So this story has been unfolding for awhile, about 3 months actually. I have been going to the gym with my husband for a long time and I always see new people come and go to the gym. But this particular day about 3 months ago there was this one girl that just stuck out to me! She was on the elliptical machine and was barely going but she stayed on at her slow pace for almost the length of time I was on the treadmill, which was about 45 minutes. I was so impressed with her dedication because I know it wasn't easy for her. I am guessing that she is about 350 pounds! I could not quit thinking about her that day because I know what kind of COURAGE it took her to JUST to come to the gym.

You see, I was once 254 pounds and had to walk into a gym a long time ago and start a long journey to fight back for my health after some very hard life battles had consumed me for many years. (you can read my previous blog titled "I'm starting on Monday") I remember how embarrassed I was to walk into the gym, but I didn't let it stop me. I remember being stared at, I remember moving slowly and having people right next to me running at top speed. When you are beginning on this kind of journey, it is easy to get discouraged. Thank goodness I had the will power and dedication to continue and eventually succeed...but it was a fight for many months to NOT QUIT!

So, when I see overweight people at the gym I have an immediate compassion for them, even without having a clue where they are mentally! I just felt so drawn to her and even felt immediately prompted to go talk with her and befriend her! I kept thinking I would wait for her to finish on the elliptical before I would talk to her....every time I continued working out and didn't go talk to her. I would say to myself, "I don't want to embarrass her", or "or she is working out I don't want to disturb her."  She left, I left and that was it. About two more times I saw her and had the same thought that I needed to go talk to her! Well, I finally decided to stop in the middle of my workout on the treadmill and just do it! I walked around trying to find paper to write a short note on and hand it to her since she had earphones on and was in the middle of her workout! I went to my car so excited that I was finally going to act on this prompting to go talk to her.... I went to my car to get a business card and paper to write my note. I wrote on the paper that my name was Heather Earl and I have been in her shoes before and I would love to be her workout partner is she was interested! That I only lived around the corner and was flexible on when I could come. That I would love to get to know her and be her friend. I actually got a little glossy eyed when I wrote it. I locked up my car, run back in the gym excited to go give it to her and SHE IS GONE! I CAN'T FIND HER ANYWHERE! I ran back out to the parking lot and looked for her but never saw her! I went back into the gym and finished my workout and just thought "Oh well, I will give it to her next time I see her for sure" Well, next time didn't come! A month and half went by! I continued to think of her and I felt so sad! Sad that I missed and opportunity, sad that i felt like I had failed her and my Heavenly Father by not acting on the prompting immediately. And I felt personally that I had let myself down because I am actually really good at listening to my promptings! Why not this time? I couldn't get the girl out of my head!

Because I didn't see her again I started thinking...If only I had talked to her, she may still be here everyday! I also thought, that I had an opportunity to show love to someone that needed it and missed it and I will now never get that moment back.  So I actually started praying that this girl wherever she was and whatever she was feeling or going through would come back to the gym! I had learned my lesson of not acting fast enough and not listening to my prompting! But this was not about me! I wanted her to succeed! She deserved a friend and I wanted to be her friend! I prayed for a month!

Well, I was at the gym last week and I was on the treadmill totally into my jamming music and running when all of a sudden I happened to look to my right and out of the corner of my eye....THERE SHE WAS! I was so happy! But of course Satan is always right there...Don't go yet, wait until you finish running! NOPE, NOT THIS TIME! I can always get back on the treadmill and pick up where I left off! I hit STOP and got off and decided just to walk up to her and talk to her instead of a note on paper! I just introduced myself and said I noticed she had not been there and I had been wanting to talk to her to tell her that I was interested in being her workout buddy if she ever wanted to work out together! She immediately started crying and put her face in her towel! I patted her back and began to tell her that I had once been in her shoes..She looked me up and down and said, No way! I said oh yes way! She said, that her tears were because she had been in the gym for months and I was the first person to speak to her! I began to tear up too! I told her that I had meant to talk to her sooner but that I just didn't do it soon enough! We exchanged numbers and talked about our schedules and I told her that if she ever felt discouraged that she could call me or text me because we all need someone to lift us up occasionally!

I went home and got on my knees...grateful for being given another chance to make that moment right! She was the sweetest thing ever! I'm sure she has got so many hurts bottled up and ready to fight back for her life and health! I hope that I can be there for her and be her cheerleader!

I learned so many things from this experience! First off...that we should never wait when the prompting to act is there! I normally always act on my promptings but this was a great reminder of when you don't because you never know what the cost may be! YOU NEVER KNOW THAT OPPORTUNITY YOU MAY HAVE MISSED! I learned that you can never JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER.... which is what she did to me! She assumed that I had always been in the shape I was in and had no clue that I could actually empathize with her and where she is right now or how she felt! I learned that this world needs more people willing to speak up and reach out! For me to be the only one to ever speak to her at the gym is sad! Even just a smile would have worked but she never experienced friendliness from anyone!

 Life is too short to be judgemental! Why do people do it??? We need to love each other without judgement! We need to plant seeds of God's love.... When we give this kind of love, it reaches deep into the inner man, REMOVES BARRIERS, and causes and open spirit to emerge, to be receptive to truth, goodness, and change! As we love, we can receive His love and that is when the miracle happens! We begin to look at our neighbors with profound respect and awe for who they are and what their potential really is and we overlook flaws NO MATTER WHAT THEIR OUTSIDE PACKAGE IS COVERED IN!

Find JOY in looking at the heart and not judging people for you have no idea what sorrows they are carrying! Be someone who desires to make a difference! Offer your love and love without refrain!

Find JOY in the verse JOHN 3:16 "For God so loved the world..."

 LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY!

Go find your person that you can reach out to and make a difference! It brings GREAT JOY!