I OVERCAME my worst enemy....Myself!!!

Well, it's after midnight and all I can think about is the keyboard! I have had some things on my mind the last few days. Someone made the comment to me recently that I was SOOOO OPTIMISTIC AND HAPPY and  she just wanted to know how I do it was her words to be exact! Well, I have some very specific answers as to why! But before I could write about that I needed to be open and honest (like I am all the time) but sometimes its tougher on these deeper subjects!

I will turn 38 in a couple of weeks but for many years of my life I battled my mind!  I have learned how to overcome....MY MIND!  I have lived with post traumatic  stress syndrome,(never really claimed that even though I was diagnosed) insecurity, lack of self esteem, lack of self worth and etc...You name it I probably experienced it! The funny thing is no-one really knew it! I have always been a happy natured and fun loving person! Someone who would love and share my love with anyone! So someone giving their love and energy to others isn't normally looked at as the kind of person that needs it back!

After losing my first child, it left me feeling empty....really empty! That emptiness somehow consumed me for awhile! Emptiness turned into loneliness! Loneliness turned into depression! Depression turned into lack of self esteem and lack of self esteem turned into lack of self worth! a vicious cycle! What happens to a person that doesn't think they are worth anything? Well, usually you look for comfort through unhealthy things...for me it was food! But more importantly you obviously don't see what God sees! It is a downward spiral ...for me it was major weight gain! Which only added to my depression! I refused medication because I just always had a fear of being addicted to anything! So I medicated myself with food! I longed for someone to come and be my friend and love me but no one really knew I was suffering! And then I lost another child and I saw all of the patterns resurface! I spent so many years trying to figure out how to move on after losing my kids that I didn't really no how to take care of myself!! It got the best of me quite often!

I always felt like less, I was not the same person anymore after losing my kids and I always had an eternal focus because of having my sweet babies in heaven! I was always thinking and analyzing....too much! I was hard on myself! I wanted to live a good life so that I could have my babies back! It consumed me! I didn't really fit in with groups because I couldn't stand spending time talking about things that didn't matter! I was always talking about deep things or I was emotional at any given moment! So I guess you could say I WAS A MESS! But then again, there is no manual that comes along with losing a child! I just went along trying to figure out life! My mind would tell me that I was too sensitive or that no one liked me or blah blah blah...it was ALL UNTRUE!

I found JOY in doing for others...it was just a part of me! So basically I went overboard and could never say NO to anyone! You can see what problems that would cause too! I was overextending myself! My mind was constantly telling me I wasn't good enough! How do we let our minds dictate these lies to ourselves!

Well, it took many years of battling my own mind to figure out that I could overcome it! And with all the experience that I have  had...I have perfected what to do with my tendencies that will always be there! You are who you are! Sensitive or not sensitive, quick to judge or not quick to judge, kind or mean, happy or moody, caring or selfish! You see we are who we are! We all have natural tendencies!

I decided one day that I had had enough of my mind telling me things that weren't true and me believing! So i began my journey of CHANGING MY THINKING AND CHANGING MY LIFE! It started with  reading and reading and reading and more reading! I discovered the power of the subconscious mind! I started feeding my mind an over abundance of positive! So much that I started to see some changes! But then those tendencies would come out and I would have set backs! I would get back down in the slumps...basically give up my own power! Well, then I'd pick myself up again but then the anniversary of my both of my sweet babies death would hit again and the vicious cycle would start all over again!

So, I read and read and read and exercised and read some more! I listened to music that moved me! I prayed and prayed and grew my relationship with my Heavenly Father! I have always had a close relationship with God but when we let ourselves get depressed...we don't have the same connection with Him! I acted and began to feel very close to Him again!  I felt the emptiness be filled with a LOVE that I couldn't even understand! As I continued to read my scriptures and pray and ask for strength to overcome....IT HAPPENED! I began to have less self doubt! I learned to embrace self-love. And I believe I am and will always be a student...I have discovered some very valuable techniques that have allowed me to become a very positive and secure optimist! Because those core tendencies will ALWAYS be there... you have to learn what to do when those tendencies show their ugly face! I have applied these successful techniques in relationships and in business! For one...I QUIT APOLOGIZING FOR WHO I AM! I have learned that I am perfect the way I am! I will constantly be growing, learning, evolving and working on myself and my imperfections....but those flaws make me...me!!! I believe that your heart is a precious gift and it is up to you to protect it, share it, open it and love yourself! Know your value! Know your worth!

If you say that you can't then you are saying that HE can't! Because with Him all things are possible! I make a choice everyday to be happy! When trials come...I face them, feel them and then make the best of them and see what I am to gain from them! SO actually my mindset is positive towards trials and hard times because I see it as an opportunity for growth and to become MORE!

You can overcome your mind! You just have to choose too and then read and fill it with positive stuff! When your mind wants to shut down and start telling you lies or you hear something that hurts you or trial causes you to get down....Remember to look up and He can fulfill every empty hole! He can renew your spirit! He can help you see your worth! He can help you find your purpose! He can help you overcome yourself! Immediately sing a happy song that you have selected for that moment or recite a quote or affirmation! Your subconscious mind will believe it! Read uplifting things, call a positive person who truly cares for you! Know your plan of what to do when your mind fills up with doubts or fear or worry or stress! You can get so good at it that you  can spend all your days HAPPY....TRULY HAPPY! Trials will come again and again but you can look to them as stepping stones! IT IS A CHOICE TO SEE THE GLASS HALF FULL! It's called "Learned OPTIMISM!  It is something that you can get better at with practice! The next time something happens to you that seems so unfair...remember you don't have to get down...You have a choice that you can make EVERY TIME! Give yourself a minute or two to feel appropriately then make the choice to see the good and seek the best out of it! You will do a whole lot of forgiving!





Find JOY in overcoming your weaknesses! You were born for a purpose and you have an amazing amount of potential....I even think an untapped potential! So love yourself, lift yourself up and share your heart, share yourself...Don't be afraid! People need you! Find JOY in changing your thinking and becoming all that you were meant to be!