Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Are you freaking kidding me???

Have you ever found yourself saying, "Are you freaking kidding me?" Well this day just happened for me! But, I also found myself laughing about it! And in that moment of laughter, when I could have been furious... It got me thinking of a message I had received the day before this frustrating day and many other occasions as well. This was the message....

All of a sudden, it caused me to think, "How DO, I do that?" Even though I know what works for me... How could I better explain what I do to remain happy under the pressures of life or overcome upsets so easily! I did respond to the message and shared my perspective on how to find JOY in daily life with all of the non- joy things that come our way! But the main thing I realized that I do is.... make choices all day long! 

Let me explain how this worked for me...from one of the worst days that I have recently experienced! 

Every year, all throughout the year there are things that I have to do for Shay's trucking company. I have to renew things or pay to keep him going legally. The worst dreaded day (that I just found out they have changed and I can do online now) is to go all the way to Carrollton and pay for his Apportioned plates (tags). It is one of those things depending on who you get that day, which way your paperwork needs to look or which documents are needed, that last time I didn’t need. Anyway, it's always a stress! One year I can use my check, one year I can't...or one year I can take care of it and one year Shay needed to write something saying I can make changes on the account (even though I am part owner)...or one year I was told my insurance wasn't the proper document (when I knew it was)...or one year they had two trucks listed (his old one and new one) and I wasn't authorized to remove one!!! Let me tell you, IT LEAVES ME SAYING IN MY HEAD..."ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?"

So, I decided that this year I would go above and beyond to make sure I have everything required by current guidelines. (cause there are several things you have to prove and declare and it has to be "just so."  However, depending on the agent you get that day is who determines "just so")

So, I called ahead and spoke with an agent. I researched online to make sure nothing had changed and no added documents were required. I called again and spoke with a second agent to make sure I heard the same as before from the first agent. I called my insurance company and prepared them that I might be calling if they were requiring specifics for my documents or for them to be in a different format. (Yes, that picky) I collected my documents and checked them 3 times and decided to leave a little after traffic and before it gets busy at this office. I made the hour drive over there and pulled my number and sat and waited. While I waited, I read on my kindle as to help me ignore the person sneezing and coughing across from me NOT covering their mouth. (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) and the babies crawling on the floor with no protection and putting things in their mouths straight from the floor with no supervision. (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) And the lady that asked me to move seats so that her son could sit by her. (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME)  Time doesn't seem to move. 

Finally after an hour (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME)... My number is called! Whew! Finally! I walk up to window and I am greeted with the grimmest face, no smile, no greeting except for ..."What do you need today?" (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) And of course, I'm smiling and share that I am there to renew my husband’s apportioned tags. She then says... "Paperwork?" (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME)  I hand her my paperwork and with a deep inside sigh am hoping that she accepts everything and all is well! She slowly looks through each sheet and makes extra loud breathing noises and I'm thinking is this good or bad! What is she about to tell me...? After what felt like an eternity...She tells me that my dates are wrong! Yep....you guessed it... Inside my head, I say, "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" So, highly expecting that something could go wrong...I'm prepared for something to be wrong! But that was the only thing that I didn't have backup for! I told her how could that be... I got my dates of all miles from the document that they sent me in the mail. She printed another document and it definitely had different dates. She said, "I don't know why they sent those dates" I asked how that could be? She said, "I don’t know but your dates are wrong?" I told her that I would have to go all the way home and prepare a new mileage record with new dates and come back! She says, "Step aside, mam so I can call the next person to my window that is prepared." (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) 

CHOICES! I could have "gone off" on many people that day! I could have said, "Screw it!" I could have asked to speak to a supervisor and shared how rude that lady was! I could have made a face at the lady that asked me to move for her son to sit! I could have screamed I hate life right now! I could have rolled my eyes at the man that was sneezing and coughing! I could have made a comment to the mom that was letting her baby crawl all over the dirty floor! I could have left that place mad as heck knowing that refiguring Shay's miles per state, per dates was going to take another hour or more! Not to mention...now I am leaving in rush hour lunch hour traffic to go back home...only to come back again! But I didn't! 

Of course, since I have such a habit of not giving in to anger, or letting other people control my JOY or my day or my emotions. I made the choice to get in my car and open my sunroof, turn on my music (full blast) and take the journey back home and laugh at it all! 

On my way, of course there is an accident on 635. But, since I was moving so slow past the accident I decide to roll down my other windows and just let the breeze come in. Then I passed the accident and began to speed up.... Not even thinking that I have the newly printed out paper with new dates right on top of my folder. IT FLEW OUT THE WINDOW! (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME) 

I was so mad for a minute and thought can this day get any worse? I immediately exit and go back and walked directly up to the window (of a different agent) and asked for another print out! 

I go back to my car and actually SAY A PRAYER! I am calmed! I open the sunroof, turn back on my music and drive in silence for a few until I feel like singing again! It took me 2 hours to get home! 

I ran in grabbed all of Shay's paperwork and carefully went through all of his daily sheets to add up all the miles per state, per the new dates. Shay even asks me how I am doing knowing that I had to go all the way back! I was like... I'm good! Stuff like this happens all the time and I decided not to let it get me down! It is what it is and I'm not going to let anything spoil my JOY! So I realized, that even though I had every reason to be ticked off...It was just a series of unfortunate events that happened altogether and I was just going to make the best of it! All the way back for an hour and half... I thought about why is it so easy for me to not to go to that "ticked off" place and this is what came to my mind...

{Losing 2 children was the most horrific thing that has ever happened to me.} It almost got the best of me! Not many remember me back in those days. There were moments when the pain was almost unbearable! The only thing that saved me was my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father that would NEVER GIVE ME MORE THAN I AM CAPABLE OF OVERCOMING! I used to hate hearing that! But, through my trials, I learned that life is series of events that either help us become more or they don't! They can make you better and stronger or they can define you and make you bitter!  I constantly had to DIG DEEP and OVERCOME the losses that I was called to experience! I woke up EVERDAY and had to choose happy or miserable! Cause let me tell ya, losing your children can cause misery, IF YOU LET IT! I chose to not let it bring me down, but it wasn't without a daily fight and a choice every single day! I had no idea that I was learning how to make that choice so often and so regularly that it became a way of life for me through the years! 

I learned that I had a choice to choose joy and an attitude of gratitude! Every day, I am grateful for many, many things! My life, my children on earth and in heaven, the lessons that I have learned, the husband that has stood by my side through all of those crazy days, my extended family, my business, the sun shining, the birds chirping, the wind blowing, my gospel knowledge, and my long list goes on and on! Some tease me for my "rose colored glasses" view on life! But, it is NOT that... 
I have made choices for a long time to focus on the good as to not get drowned in the loss that I had to learn how to overcome! After many years of having to choosing HAPPY OR MISERABLE.... I got good at choosing happy! So it makes it so easy to deal with..."ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME" days! Just because I am happy a lot, doesn't mean that my life is easy or that I don't have difficult days! I have days like this all the time! 

In our family we have the START OVER RULE.... Give yourself permission to start over! If we feel like a converstion or a day needs a restart.... We say, "Can I start over?" It works! Try it! 

So, I finally reach my destination AGAIN! I go in and take a number! It is even more crowded than before and I am totally expecting to wait over an hour to be called! I endure the same scenario of the people that I am sitting by! When all of a sudden I hear my name called over the speaker to come to window 15. I stand up and walk over to find that I was called to the same lady.... I looked at her and she says, "I saw that smiling face walk in! Can't miss it...we don't get a lot of those around here!"

I am seriously saying inside..."ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME" But for a whole different reason! Am I seriously talking to the same lady and did she just say that! I of course, lit up! She said, "Now give me your number so I can take you off the que, I skipped all these people to call you to my window" I smiled and said, Thank you so much! You totally made my day! She then says, "No you made mine" 

My thoughts at that moment were.... {WHAT?????, IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?} 
She told me that after I left she thought about how I reacted when she told me that I had the wrong dates and that I happily said that I had to drive back home and come back. She said in all of her years working there she has never had such a kind person. She said, I knew you had God in your life! 

That was the moment when I was so touched and I really wanted to cry! When I realized that my favorite quote by Marianne Williamson made so much sense to me.... "We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear {and I will add frustration, disappointment, anger,} our presence AUTOMATICALLY LIBERATES OTHERS! 

I witnessed this! I made a choice and it mattered and it changed a heart! I was also blessed to skip all of the other people in there! I had everything she needed and I paid and she gave me my receipt and then the greatest of all... this once mean, angry, bitter, short worded lady....SMILED at me! 

Find JOY in those crazy days when all that is going through your mind is ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME... and MAKE THE CHOICE to let love, kindness, and light exude from you instead! Don't beat yourself up as you discover that you can choose to have a better day no mater what crosses your path! Practice make perfect, well somewhat perfect but it will totally help you find JOY and HAPPINESS in your days! 

Until I blog again, 


  1. I am making the decision now to adjust my thoughts with a conscience effort to positive! I used to be like this but something happened or maybe it was a series of events and slowly but surely I became this miserable person. BUT you are right, it's a choice and I need to be in control and aware of what's going. There is plenty to be thankful for. Thank you for sharing!