The PLAN!!!!

It has been awhile since I have written! Oh how I have missed the keys! So much in my heart and so much to say! Tonight I am overwhelmed in my thoughts!

Have you ever heard a song that spoke the words right out of your heart and mouth?
Well, the song "Beautiful Heartbreak" by Hilary Weeks was the one for me!


"I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go; "

You see, Shay and I felt very impressed that we should move! We lived in the same house for 15 years! Same house, same community, same jobs, same everything for that entire time! We decided to act on our promptings and take a huge leap of faith to change everything! And we did! We had a packed house in 1 week and completely prepped house for sale in the next 2 weeks! With a ton of set backs along the way! We had picked out our house to build and signed the contract and now we just wait for the house to sell!!! Like the song said we had it all mapped out...knew just where we wanted to go! We were hopeful and faithful for a sale.  I retired from my job and was ready to take on a new chapter of life with an entire new beginning! I was ready and excited!


"But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road."

I had no idea how hard this move was going to be! I remember feeling like I was visiting when I went into the Walmart to shop! I was in a new ward at church after growing up around my old ward, the kids left everything they knew, all of Kolby's neighborhood friends that he had grown up with, and Hayley's best friend that lived right behind us! We felt like we were in a fog! The kids were struggling and  being stretched with the growing pains! And just when we felt like we were beginning to feel settled we were hit by an F3 tornado. We found ourselves living in a hotel for almost 5 months! Not exactly how I saw the plan!

"I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin', "

I am naturally an optimistic person, but as the days went on and I took on the pains of my family it got harder and harder! I searched for a way over, under, and around but it was so big I could not see past it! The financial burden alone was great! The daily trials that we encountered from livin in a public place were tremendous! We saw things we never should have seen! Even though I was making the best of everyday I was still experiencing anxiety and many teary nights!  I knew that the Lord never gives us more than we can bear and so I went forward each day...
"Brokenhearted and I started climbin"

"And at the top I found...
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;"

Many fears popped up that I never had experienced before...I began to ask myself if we had heard right and questioned if we were ever supposed to move? I had doubts continue to flood my mind...What if our house never sells and we did all of this in vain. And much pain....we were a family of 4 with all very different personalities within 4 walls! Now, we are pretty close but this is a challenge for anyone! We were struggling!

"I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak"

I remember some specific thoughts that I had! I was originally praying that this situation would end and that we would be relieved of our burdens! But then I began to realize that I wasn't using that optimistic spirit that I was born with! Instead I had given into fear, doubt and getting down because of the pain! I finally realized what I was doing! And even my kids were repeating all of the normal things that I used to say to them! They used my own teachings and positive philosophies on me...Oh how I loved this! To see them  lift me up and help me see the good when I had been overcome by the burden I was asked to carry! It changed me! How quickly i was reminded that I could turn this whole situation into a memorable one and truly become better because of it!

"The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights; "

Through the tears and sleepless nights the grace that I began to feel was amazing when I changed my mindset! This was remarkable to me! The burden became a treasure! A unique time to really learn some valuable lessons! My faith grew! I was watching my children bond and doing more for one another. They helped each other taking the laundry to wash and would get creative with ways to entertain themselves! Working together on just about everything!  We were without meals to cook, no TV much less a DVR, internet connection was terrible, we basically were sitting on one another, we had to wash laundry on another floor and pay for it too, we had one bathroom with a teenage daughter, the list goes on and on of inconveniences and trials!

"used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground."


HOWEVER, it became some of my most treasured blessings! I remember the day that I felt we should turn around and move back into the house we were trying to sell! Two days later after that thought...IT SOLD! I saw that even though "MY PLAN" wasn't working that He has a design for us that sometimes we just have to sit back and watch Him work! I was totally PLAN-LESS I was walking by faith! I truly look back on those 5 months and cherish the memories! Its not often that you get a chance like that to be taken kind of away from the world and given a chance to focus on whats important without any distraction! We were in each others faces every day and some of the best memories and blessings came from living within those 4 walls!

"Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know;
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak."
So, I am grateful that I learned to find joy when the plans didn't go the way we expected! I'm grateful to have been taken through the storm to learn that my trials were tender mercies in disguise!
I'm grateful to see this view and see the beautiful changes that came to my family only through the hardships! It's kinda of cool to be excited to cook dinner again for my family or do the laundry so often that it never stacks up or leavin the TV off to just talk or take walks! I'm thankful to have had this paradigm shift!

Find joy when the plan fails because it might just be His mercies in disguise!

I learned to find JOY in the BEAUTIFUL HEARTBREAK! Here is the Beautiful song! ENJOY!