Stepping Out...

I am stepping out! Stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping out on faith! So here I am finally making the choice to start the blog that I feel inspired to start! I have felt for some time that I needed to do this!  But as with anything when we you begin to follow the promptings of your heart....the voices in your mind start...My mind started saying.....You dont have anything to say... Noone will want to read what your post...Your page is not appealing...You are very forgetful and you will not be consistent...Who will even care what you write! As I have spent time trying to get my page setup I have been hearing these words over and over and over!  But no matter what...I am going for it!
I am gonna do this once and for all! I am not going to let those negative words stop me! Not this time!

You see, for 18 years I have felt compelled to write! Not a blog but in a journal. I have had many many different trials, experiences, challenges and hurdles in my life! I have always had the thought that I need to be recording all of these experiences and stories. I always said I was going to start writing but didn't!

I especially felt that I needed to write and record the stories about my two babies that died.  When time passed and I didnt record or remember to write...I started feeling guilty. Like I had missed my opportunity. I felt regret that I might have forgotten so many things and details of their precious lives.

Year after year it was my New Year's Resolution to write only to not have recorded one thing! The sadness turned into regret and the regret turned into pain and loss (feeling like I had lost the memories) and the pain turned into a fear that I could not get over! I think it was the fear of feeling like I had lost so many stories of my heart kept me from writing ANYTHING! I could post on Facebook, but that was it! Every single time I said it was time to start writing....It didn't happen! I thought maybe I am not making time to write, maybe I am just too busy, maybe I truly desire to write but just keep forgetting to start! Then I started realizing that I was justifying! I realized that I was looking for every excuse because I didnt want to face the reality of finding that I had forgotten too much! So year after year passed and NO WRITING!

My late father had a gift and passion for recording family history and has records and records in books, pictures, even old family bibles. It is amazing and I was raised around this. My mom has now realized is her new mission to continue in the work that my father started. My mother is a master memory maker and even works as a coach with Heritage Makers to help people record their memories and family history. She has made me several books that I cherish! Being a child growing up around this kind of diligence of keeping the memories alive I felt like a failure because I hadn't kept record of any of the amazing stories.

As I have grown and learned much I knew it was time to just  DO IT and start writing, so once again I went and bought a new journal (to add to my collection). I noticed something different this time. I kept having memory recall of past experiences and experienced  memory after memory begin to fill my mind! All of a sudden thoughts of starting a blog came across my mind...Of course I said to myself! No I just need to record my thoughts privately! Well, just the other day it hit me loud and clear...YOU NEED TO START A BLOG! I have always been one that listens closely to the promptings of the spirit and DO without questioning. However, this had so many deep feelings associated with writing I just didn't know how to start! But, I did say I was going to do it because I could not deny the inspired thoughts I was having about it! Then I received a birthday gift in the mail from my sweet mother!

It was a BEAUTIFUL journal that said "Heather's Hand of God Journal." There it was....the next inspired moment from my Heavenly Father that was sent to me through my mom! My mom knew I had felt compelled to write but had no idea that I felt inspired to start a blog and she also didn't know that I was finally ready to do it but struggling with how or where to start! I opened up the journal to find the sweetest pictures at the bottom of every page that definitely struck a chord with me. And at the bottom of the inside cover there were the words... "Use this journal to record the times you see the Hand of God in your life." I finally got it! Quit beating yourself up that you didnt write and  start today writing about this whole experience! I definitely see the "Hand of God." Then this thought came...when you begin to write and overcome your fear of loss of your memories....Wait and continue writing and all things will come to your remembrance! Tears streamed down my face as I learned once again that when you step out on faith, you are blessed beyond measure to overcome your doubts and weaknesses. I sent a text to my mom that her gift was inspired and "WRITE ON TIME" She sent a text back to me that said how cute "WRITE" ON TIME was. I message her back that I did not even notice that I had done that! Just another small confirmation that it is time to WRITE! I have no idea where this journey will lead but I do know that I will find the joy in the journey all along the way. I welcome you to join me in FINDING JOY IN THE JOURNEY.