Mom-massurance

Well to be completely honest...after yesterday's post I realized that I had opened up some tender feelings from my past and began to let my mind fill up with doubt. When you do something new and step out of your comfort zone it easy to feel a little nervousness or have doubting thoughts flood your mind. I told myself all day that I wasn't writing today!

As we all know that the little voices in our head are always there! The test is to learn how to quiet those thoughts and not let them affect you! You have to learn how to let the positive thoughts have the domain of your brain! I'm sure you say easier said than done! Well, I have spent many years of my life allowing the thoughts to be louder than they should. But have gotten to a place in life where I have learned much control over my thoughts and I silence the itty-bitty-icky committee in my mind! Until you decide to step out of your comfort zone and then all of sudden...BOOM THE THOUGHTS ARE ROARING!

I woke up this morning to roaring thoughts of self doubt...Once again I started doubting my writing or subject matter. Why would I question after all the confirmations that I had received through the last few months to write! It's so silly...there were no comments from yesterdays blog and I thought maybe that was too sad for people to read about my son dying? Maybe they don't know what to say? Maybe I should not be so deep! But the reality is that deep is my middle name! That is just who I am!

So, I texted my mom and asked her if she had read my "lukewarm stones" blog and she had. I asked her if you didn't know me would you want to read about Shelby dying? How did it flow? Did you want to continue reading? I then told her that when I begin to write the words just flow like water! I just wanted her reassurance! She responded, "Then if the words flow then that is all the reassurance that you need."

Since I wrote about Shelby yesterday it brought some deep insecure thoughts out in me... Many years ago after Shelby died I wanted to talk about my babies alot because that is how I could heal. Someone said to me, "People are tired of hearing about your kids...its time to quit talking about them and move on!" It took many, many years to get over those words (which I thought I was over) , obviously not!

So today, I began thinking and telling myself that no one wanted to hear about those stories. I was feeling insecure about opening up again. I texted my mom again, saying maybe what I wrote was too deep.She said, "You're right on your goal to be able to help others find joy in their journey!" She reminded me that I had been given all the feedback and impetus to write in the first place. She then said, "Write for the sheer joy of it and the rest will unfold as you go!"

ALL I NEEDED WAS SOME "MOM-MASSURANCE" TODAY!

After I was done with all of my self doubting....The Lord blessed me with quick reminders that I should write! I received 4 different messages that they so enjoyed reading my blog and will keep reading! Also, I was invited to be a guest speaker on a SCENTSY conference call about finding joy in the journey(my all time favorite topic) and then the final reassurance was when I got home and read a message that I was being requested to speak at someones big yearly showdown meeting! Maybe, I do have something to say that others want to hear!

So, I decided that I was going to write even when I wasn't sure what I was going to say today! This is what came out! I'm thankful to an AMAZING mother that is wise and a loving and provides me still and always will with the REASSURANCE that I need! But ultimately reminding me that what more reassurance do I need when the Lord has already reassured me ENOUGH! Thanks, mom for reminding me to find joy in my insecure moments! ALL I NEEDED WAS MY MOM'MASSURANCE!