A World With Octobers!

 

 

 

Pumpkins and pumpkin patches, the leaves are turning, the days have cooled down and the world changes focus preparing for the Holiday season that is upon us.  For many it is the most favorite season of all. I have fond memories of  October and it being my most favorite season of all too. Many years ago my Octobers changed forever. Leaving a much different kind of memory during this season. In a world where October is the beginning of many traditions beginning with Halloween and then Thanksgiving in Novemeber. 

 

When the brisk cool weather hits and the orange pumpkins start to emerge....So does a flood of precious memories. Losing my precious son on a Halloween morning and a daughter on a Thanksgiving morning has left many memories for those days.  I have often questioned, "Why on two distinct memorable holiday days?" Those are the days that you can remember what you were doing each year because there are so many traditions  attached around those holidays!  

 

I can remember exactly minute to minute what those days were like when I held my son lifeless in my arms that Halloween morning. His sweet spirit had departed his body and there I hold my son Shelby and tried to understand why he had to leave. The same experience for me as I held my daughter Shealyn lifeless in my arms on a Thanksgiving morning that year trying to comprehend the extreme loss that I felt. Nothing has ever come close to those feelings that I felt both mornings 4 years apart. So naturally you could see why I might get a little emotional every year around pumpkin time. 

 

 Yes its true that I am not always my normal self during October.... All the reasons that someone loves this season is  all the reason that I'm bombarded with memories floating through my mind just like they happened yesterday. I have two children with a different set of experiences and stories through that time to think about every year. I can't help but back off from life a little bit to let the memories and emotions flow.

 

So WHY AM I SO GLAD I LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THERE ARE OCTOBERS?

 

Well, this is why... even though the losses were hard and painful...I've learned so many things that I never would have learned had I not experienced these trials. Losing two of my children have been lifelong trials because every year the emotions creep back in for a few days (sometimes weeks) and reminds me all over again of the loss that I endured. As I have gotten older I have realized this treasured blessing in OCTOBER! Every year that my memories of losing my precious children is revisited year after year, I am reminded of the everlasting love that out Heavenly Father in Heaven has for me and all of us. I am grateful for the knowledge ot eternal families.

 

What I learned and CONTINUE TO LEARN FROM THE LOSS OF MY BABIES helps me be a better mom for the two I have here with me. It also helps me be a better wife, daughter, sister and friend... The perspective is treasured! When I realized that my son and daughter were going to die the moments seemed more important and special. I learned how to live in the moment and not miss precious moments. Instead of looking ahead and planning a life ahead for Shelby and Shealyn,  I began enjoying every second left with them. Live in the moment and treasure every day! Make every day special in some way! Do something for others every day!

 

You learn that every day is not guaranteed and to live each day like its your last. Which allows you to focus on whats important and that to me means treating people with love and forgiving them when you are wronged right away. It means loving people unconditionally and loving them where they are in life. It means caring for and helping people any chance you get. It means not wasting your days with non important TV programs, and too many hobbies that aren't of worth. It means never forgetting that we were sent here to be tested and therefore never getting upset when you are going through one of those tests! It means looking on any trial as a chance to grow stronger and more compassionate. It means setting aside that house work if you have the chance to spend time with your children. It means taking time for relationships in your life and it means to not forget about yourself in the mix.

 

I've learned how important it is to take care of yourself,,,If you don't learn to understand yourself then grief  and life's trials can overtake you! Remember your needs and don't say "I'm fine" when you NOT! Don't be afraid to share your sorrows, sadness and weakness with people because they can help you through it! You give others a chance to learn through you and vice versa! Ive learned to do things that make you feel good... I still to this day get pedicures because I remember how healing it was to me when a lady came into the ICU and soaked and rubbed my feet for me. I never forgot how healing that was and still continue to get pedicures to this day!

 

Ive learned to be patient with my husband because I went through so many emotional hardships that I required patience. It has taught me to be patient with him and never to hold grudges when the wrong things are said! I've learned that we all have heartaches and deal with our emotions differently so it had taught me to be more compassionate to other peoples feelings even when they might express emotions differently than me!

 

Ive learned to not sweat the small stuff... Life's too short to dwell on small things or to get mad over spilled milk. Be someone that your children or friends can come talk to about anything and realize we are all just trying to grow and endure this life to our best!

 

Ive learned to not be afraid to show your weaknesses or imperfections! Just be YOU! No one can be YOU as good as YOU can! I will never be normal! I don't even know what normal is! People unfriend me all the time on facebook! My first thought is..."Awe do they not like me" But then I say, Oh well it doesn't matter because I'm just being me and if someone doesn't like something about me then I don't need them in my life! I used to want to be friends with everyone and Ive learned that well that's just not how life is!

 

Ive learned to love unconditionally and to not judge people! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SOMEONE IS CARRYING IN THEIR HEART! So love people wherever they are and reach out and be a friend!

 

Ive learned most of all to overcome! Ive learned how to find JOY in my journey! Someone asked me the other day "Do you ever get depressed? You are so happy all the time" The truth is yes I get depressed, sad, emotional, upset and so on! I have just learned how to overcome those daily tests! I go to my scriptures, music, go serve someone (my favorite). random acts of kindness (my other favorite), read a book, read an uplifting quote.... I take action and do something good to uplift myself everyday! It keeps you in that HAPPY spot quite often! People usually don't even realize I am going through a hard time...not because i am hiding it but because I realize right off the bat that it is for my good in someway and I embrace it and endure it! Its always pretty on the other side of a trial because you grow and learn and become more compassionate for others!

 

Ive learned that I fall short everyday of being everything I need to be and that is when I fall to my knees and thank my loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for all the many blessings in my life! I never say, "Why me?" If he has called me to it, He will help my though it and I have witnessed that first hand! I am nothing without Him and I have endured these losses ONLY with his help and example! I try to be more life Him everyday! How grateful I am that I can fall short eveyday and still be complete because of His mercy! Im grateful for the trials that have come into my life cause I wouldn't be who I am today!

 

I wouldn't wish losing a child on anyone! It has been a lifelong trial of continual enduring as it tests me emotionally every year! But oh how thankful I am for OCTOBERS because I have the chance to pull back from life a little and put down the projects and dreams and just take a hard look at life and be deeply reminded about what matters most and it always refreshes my perspective for the better! I always change for the better after another OCTOBER!

 

Thank you Shealyn, Hayley, Shelby and Kolby for all that your precious lives have taught me!

 

Find JOY in OCTOBERS!

 

 

It Made the "WRITE UP"

I am smiling right now as my fingers begin to type tonight! I have been through so many changes lately that blogging took a backseat and I have so missed writing! I just had to write tonight!

Last year at a Scentsy event I was listening to one of my favorite corporate leaders, Joal Curtis and he was sharing some experiences of one crazy day. His message was when you look back on certain situations to ask yourself "Will it make the write up?" Well yesterday, was one of those days...THAT MADE THE WRITE UP!

It all started 2 months ago when I began planning an after convention meeting. I set the date and had been preparing all of the details that go along with a big event! Well, THE DAY finally got here! I had everything planned out just right! It started that morning at 8 am trying to get the key to the amenity center that I was supposed to already have! The guy that I was getting it from left work early the day I came by! So that left me to Monday morning (day of event) to get the key! 3 hours go by trying to leave messages for the guy with no success of a return call! I begin to go other avenues to get a key! I finally realized where I could get another key but was told that before he could give me the key he needed a verification email that i had the center reserved! (No problem) However, that took an hour! Yay! Finally get the key!

So I get to the center to begin decorating and setting up 30 chairs that I had picked up and loaded into a car and brought over to the center for seating! I am dripping sweat like a faucet! I try to see why the AC unit isn't coming on and realize that it is BROKEN! I then scurry to make phone calls only to find out that it was a known issue and someone SHOULD BE THERE before 5. (Which was OK because my meeting didn't start until 7) So, I continued to set up all the chairs, rearrange big heavy furniture and yes still sweating! (It was 90 degrees on the thermostat) So as I continue decorating I continued to call the property manager to see the status of the AC getting fixed! Each phone call I am told.."they are supposed to be there" Well, the clock keeps ticking and I continue setting up! I started texting people asking if they had fans they could bring! I started thinking of a PLAN B. Its now 4:45 and NO AC MAN HAS COME YET!

So, to finish all of the deco details I was making a road out of black paper and white duct tape. (DRIVE was the theme) So I wanted to create a road outside for everyone to walk up the road to the front door! So me and a friend are out there making this road and quickly realize that we just locked ourselves out of the building. Phones, keys, everything was locked inside of the building! I couldn't even call anyone for help! We paced and decided to ask a mother that was in the pool if we could borrow her phone! We contacted several people to get us a phone number and that took about an hour to resolve! We finally got the key from the other builder in our community! STILL NO AC! Now there is only 1 hour til my event! It was funny how hot it was inside and now being locked out..I now desired to be back in that hot inside.... Funny how perspective changes...when at first all I wanted was to be OUT of that hot place!

I now can't get a hold of the manager and realized that even if they did come to fix it...that there was no way that it would be cooled off in time! So I make a last minute decision to change the location to my house! So all those 30 chairs had to be loaded back into the car and brought to my house and unloaded and set up AGAIN! I had to rearrange furniture and we have literally 45 minutes until people would begin coming! I thought man what a day...but hey it's all gonna work out! Sometimes you just have to make the best of the situation! I knew that speeches had been prepared, food had been purchased, people were in route and hearts were to be touched.....it just had to work out!

Every single stumbling block that could have been thrown at me WAS! Have you ever had days like this? I think we all have! I could have easily just thrown in the towel...I mean people would have understood since the AC unit went out! But NOPE I WAS GONNA PERSEVERE! I mean obviously it couldn't have gotten any worse! RIGHT????..... WRONG!!!! So, finally with help...we got all the furniture moved and chairs arranged and the doorbell goes off! Of course all of the cute deco was at the other place and I had even got the laptop and TV aux all set up at the other place. SO now I have to improvise! Guests are continuing to arrive! People are blowing up my phone with last minute direction change questions and so on. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off...but its all good! Where's the cord for the computer, where's the Internet key number, where's this and where's the restroom! It's was awesomeness! I mean it now can't get any worse! Well now we are having technical difficulties and can't get the online recording to work! As we continue to get that fixed...more and more and more people are arriving! I am still all over the place BUT WITH A SMILE! I've learned in life that if plan a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i doesn't work then you just go to "PLAN K".... I just knew it was gonna all work out somehow! Just when we almost have everything ready to start after the quick transition of locations....One of my guests walks in and says..."Um, your neighbor is out there cussing and going crazy!" I then walk outside to see what's going on and realize that she is cussing me and bad mouthing me because our entire street was covered with cars! She was angry that people were parked in front of her house (drive ways were NOT even blocked) I explained that this was supposed to be at the amenity center and so on and so on! She hardly let down her guard...I apologized and killed her with kindness! She continued to have choice words to me! I walked away with her on the phone cussing about her crazy neighbor that had over 70 guests at her house! At that moment I got a chill as I walked away and realized that I had 65-70 people packed in my house and we had some great messages to pass into their hearts! I quickly came back into my house...realizing that EVERY SINGLE STUMBLING BLOCK THAT CAME TO STOP ME FROM HAVING THIS MEETING....DID NOT STOP ME!

As it approached time for me to share my message...I tossed out what I had originally had prepared and shared what was in my heart from the experiences of my day! I was not sure why but felt that I needed to share it....so I did! My message was simple! Daily darts, trials, obstacles will come to shoot you down...But you gotta keep your head up and keep pressing forward! You just gotta keep going!
The meeting started and pressed forward after ALLLLLLLLLL OF THE CRAZINESS of the day! The SCENTSY MISSION STATEMENT RANG TRUE.....Their senses were enlivened, Hearts were warmed, and Souls were Inspired! IT HAPPENED! I felt like the Grinch story when he realized that he couldn't stop the Christmas spirit! THE SPIRIT COULDN'T BE RESTRAINED!

Today I received 10 different messages, fb messages, and emails of people sharing the blessings that they received from being in attendance and it what was they needed or the words that they heard saved them! Two of them especially touched me as this person expressed the despair of her day and how the messages that were shared actually saved her!  I know that all the trials prior were in attempt to have me not have the meeting...but it happened DESPITE ALL THE OBSTACLES!

Yes, it's a long story but doesn't this ring true for how life can feel so often? We just can't win for losing! But, if you keep putting one foot in front of the other and pressing forward no matter what comes your way to shut you down....REMEMBER THIS..

 

 

 My message is this....The only way that you won't succeed is to QUIT! So next time...NOTHING GOES YOUR WAY REMEMBER THIS.....

 

Find JOY in the BIG PICTURE....AND JUST DO IT!

 

Find JOY in YOUR JOURNEY!

What comes first...Happiness or Gratitude?

I woke up this morning to my normal ritual. Which always consists of prayer, making my bed, reading scripture and uplifting quotes and then opening the window for the light to come in. I have always needed light! I never knew why I loved the sunshine so much...I never really understood why I was so satisfied from the light! As I grew older I recognized that my deep gratitude for "light" was because it symbolized Christ to me! Which symbolizes many more things but most of all my love for Him who created me in His image. I now get the chance to be who I am today trying to live my life so that I can return to Him.

There was a song that I sang as a youth that was always special to me...It  went like this... "Have you received His image in your countenance? Does the light of Christ shine in your eyes? Will you know Him when He comes again because you will be like Him? When He sees you will the Father know His child? We seek for light and learning as followers of Christ that all may see his goodness reflected in our lives when we receive his fullness and lose desire for sin we radiate his perfect love a beauty from within." This morning this song popped into my mind and I reflected on the many phases of my life! I'm grateful for them all as they have made me who I am today. A happy and loving Heather. I pray that He will know me as His child and will recognize my little light that I always try to keep shinin.

Since this was where my mind was this morning...I looked up quotes on gratitude, happiness and abundance! Here are some of the ones that touched me today.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough" Oprah

As I reflect on all of the things that makes me HAPPY are also the things that I am so GRATEFUL for.  So what comes first???

 

 

 

 I truly believe that Gratitude comes first...I feel such an abundance daily because I am deeply grateful for everything in my life! I used to not express to what degree because i thought people would think I was silly that I actually would blow my nose and think man I wonder how much work it took someone to make the Kleenex I was using...Or when I would brush my teeth, I was grateful that i had a toothbrush or toothpaste and was glad that it was invented because I can have clean teeth! Yes, I truly eat the fruit and I am grateful for who planted the tree!

My dad wrote a list of 25 things about him that I still read often and it  brings such JOY to me! And since this blog is also my journal and record for my children and family for the future I decided that I would add my list to my blog for the record.


So I started not that long ago compiling things in a notebook that make me happy and today I thought I would share some of them....

1. Life-How grateful to have a body that I can take care of or not take care of. I feel BEST when I am exercising and eating healthy to show that I am grateful for my body.

2. Health-What a blessing that I experience good health but have compassion for those that suffer ailments.

3. Sunshine-Makes me happy and warms my skin which warms my heart

4. Family- I LOVE THEM..not just my cool husband and honest and open daughter and loving and caring son, but my talented brother and my organized sister and my mother that's full of wisdom and my honorable dad that left an amazing legacy. My grandmothers that are beautiful women, aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews... ALL OF MY FAMILY that have come into my life as a result of marriage...brothers in law and sisters in law and on and on! They are my dearest family and I love them ALL!!!

5. The Gospel- Cant imagine life without the guidance and plan of happiness that it provides.

6. Friends- I am blessed with heart strings that fulfill my life everyday!

7. Words- My heart is so full and I cant imagine not being able to express them without words

8. Choice- I get the chance to choose HAPPINESS everyday or I get to choose to make the best out of WHATEVER gets thrown in my face!

9. Acceptance- I am so thankful for those that accept me who I am.. deep, fun, expressive, and even those that love me even if I "share my whole life on FB" like some have said.

10. Blogs-I love writing mine and I love reading others insights..Blessed

11. Sun rays- I absolutely love seeing them..I feel like it represents many things... The love from up above, Gods loving arms reaching out to me. my kids sharing their love for me, my dad's wisdom and unconditional love shining down to me

12. Laughter- I cant live without laughing

13. PieShakes- I love banana cream...its my favorite! I miss it as I have been eating healthy! But I love it more because its my brother and sister in laws creation and dream that came alive! So every time I eat one I think of their satisfaction of creating something that was a dream come true!

14. Books- How grateful I am for knowledge that I can gain from

15. Quotes- They just inspire me and I know someone lived a lot of life to be able to write their thoughts that were captured in a quote!

16. Sunshine- One of my most favorite things ever.

17. Encouragement- There are many that have not encouraged me in life and so I am very grateful for those that have shared encouragement for me.

18.Holidays- Nothing better than taking a break from the world..slowing down and enjoying family. Many memories of holidays past make me happy!

19. FUN-I love it! There is nothing like silly FUN!

20. GLITTER- Now isn't that just the best creation ever...LOVE IT

21. Hope- It makes me happy to know that I have a knowledge that leads to daily HOPE. When all else fails I can cling to my hope until sunshine arrives and the cloud passes!

22. Handwriting- I love to write and have always enjoyed handwriting.

23. Photographs- I just love to take pictures to record moments and I love going back and enjoying them later.

24. February- Yes its the month that I was born but  I also love it because its the LOVE month and I just love to see people express love to each other! Nothing more beautiful to me!

25. Surprises- The best! They always mean so much!

26. Passion- I love seeing someone be so into what they do..It energizes me!

27. Real People- There is nothing more inspiring to me to see people be true about who they are and where they come from weaknesses and all!

28. Quality time- I love spending that kind of time with people! It's greatness!

29. Animals- I love seeing the different personalities in each critter and how unconditional and loving they are!

30.Dancing- I feel so free when I dance! Something that has always brought happiness and still does.

31. Singing- I love to harmonize with everything!

32. Challenges- They are never easy but they always teach me something and make me a better person!

33. Road trips- The kids, the long roads, the music, reaching the destination...AWESOMENESS!

34. Inspiration- Nothing quite like it when you get that AHA moment!

35. Peace- Such a beautiful place!

36. Weekends- I love the FREE TO BE feeling! Families are mostly together and its just happiness!

37. JOY- I love looking for it cause its always right there...you just have to be open to receive it!

38. Thoughts- I love to explore in my mind...at times I have too many but I have learned to control the best thoughts!

39. Tennis shoes- I love having all different colors to match different outfits. Getting a new pair is happiness!

40. Memories- I don't know what I would do without them! They strengthen daily! Some don't make me so happy but they make me stronger!

41. Opinions- I really love that others can be true to themselves! I love sharing mine and I love hearing others too!

42. Questions- When I get questioned..I always learn!

43. Hugs- Man o Man...How I love hugs! To me it should be the handshake!

44. Love- I feel so complete! I love to love and I love sharing my love! I love my husband and he loves me back! Its a beautiful thing!

45. Seasons- I love all 4 of them! They each provide something different!

46. Rainbows- It just makes me smile!

47. Organization- It has made me happy to discover  how to become organized because it was never something that came naturally.

48. Smiles-You just cant give enough of them. the universal symbol of kindness!

49. Generosity- The best feeling ever is to give...give your love, your time, your humor, your heart!

50. Change- Not always easy but you always become a "BETTER ME"

51. The breeze- Ahhhh just one of those things that is calming and relaxing! It just makes you feel right with the world.

52. Compliments- To me...giving an honest compliment is refreshing! I love making someones day with the true thoughts that I think of them!

53. Movies- A good movie is like a good book! You can learn and grow from a great message!

54. Dreaming- Such possibility! Makes me happy!

55. Facebook- I have always loved it! I use it for its best purposes and it has brought much connecting and fulfilment to me!

56. Balloons- I can't describe the HAPPINESS that those colored circles in the air bring to me! One of my most favorite things! I even buy a bouquet of balloons for myself to enjoy occasionally!

57.Flowers- The scent the beauty! Ahhh just love them!

58. Taking walks- Always a source of JOY! Family walks, alone walks, exercising walks...it doesn't matter they are always good! Family ones are my favorite and glad we do them often!

59. Kindness- even the smallest thing can brighten someones day!

60. Beautiful scenery- it brings such serenity! Pure happiness and gratitude for Gods creations!

I could go on and on and maybe another day I will! I just cant deny that its the little things in life that bring the biggest abundance! I invite you to create your own list, not only to bring out the best in your heart but that you have it in writing and one day those that love you will have a piece of you when you aren't around to witness all the gratitude that you have in you!

Find JOY in the things that make you HAPPY  and the things that you have GRATITUDE for!
As you identify specifically what things you are grateful for it creates a HAPPINESS inside of you that shines out to others. Let His image shine in your countenance through your gratefulness which will in return.....GIVE YOU AN ABUNDANT LIFE!

Faith To Be Healed

I find myself today a little on the contemplative side!  It has everything to do with my new life path of Life Coaching. A true personal blessing that I have gotten to this point in my life! After my website went live this morning..it caused me to reflect on many, many life experiences that have brought me through my journey to this point. I have a particular life lesson on my heart and I feel impressed to write about it today!

My sweet son Shelby that was sent to me on a beautiful day in May. I knew quickly after birth he was born with the same genetic disease that his sister (my 1st child) had previously lost her life to. I remember immediately I had many internal choices to make. I was 23 years old and had already been down this road losing my precious Shealyn as a young 19 year old girl. I remember looking into Shelby's eyes and committing to him that I would be all that he needed me to be. I remember feeling Heavenly Father's spirit come over me to let me know that He trusted me with another one of His precious angels. I remember not wanting to lose him because I loved him so much. I remember imagining Shelby in a casket as I knew this was a possibility. I remember how hard it was to lose Shealyn and questioned if I had what it took to endure this again. I remember pleading with my Heavenly Father for a miracle. The pain was great knowing that to give birth to him meant to give him back! Too many emotions! It's amazing to me that I can actually picture myself sitting there after just delivering my precious son looking at him with every imaginable emotion possible! Joy, sorrow, happiness, pain, tears, laughter (cause he was so beautiful and I always wondered what a boy would look like), confused, overwhelmed......and then it happened! The most peaceful feeling came over me! A feeling that I shall never forget! And then the thoughts that I needed to put all of my worries aside and cherish everyday that I had with my son.

I have never been the same since! I can't really describe in words what an experience like that does to your heart and spirit. I remember giving him ALL that I had. I cared for him to the best of my ability. I protected him as best I could. I watched him suffer and live everyday of his life in excruciating pain! That is why it is hard to this day to complain about anything because I always have his sweet face in my constant memory and also of my daughter. I understood what it meant to want to sacrifice myself if it meant for them to be healed or pain free. I lived my days praying for a miracle. The beauty of all that is that I truly had faith that he could be healed. But I learned the most valuable lesson ever one night after I had brought him home on hospice. Still believing that God could heal him. I learned that I trusted Him and that I needed to have faith in losing Shelby as well. Let me explain...If I truly trusted my Heavenly Father's will. That meant that whether Shelby lived and was spared or if he died that I would trust that the Lord knew what was best and that there was a plan of happiness for us. I will never forget that moment either. It was then that I spoke the words to Shelby and whispered in his ear..."Mommy loves you more than you will ever know. But If you need to go and that is what is meant to be then I will never forget you or the lessons that your life taught me. I will miss you in a way I can't describe. But I have faith to be healed! I then kissed his cheek...and my loving brother, Chris gave him a blessing and it was a very cherished and precious moment. Shelby died the next morning.

I learned that  true faith was living as if you knew a miracle could occur at any  moment but trusting that if it didn't that you could be whole again and  be healed from the pain. I know that He was mindful of me and that my broken mothers heart could be healed by faith.

Today, releasing the website (life coach) of this next step in my life was very healing to my heart. It represented all the many trials that I have overcome and now is my time to give back in a way that I have always desired! You can live your lives with great JOY even when you have experienced the greatest pain and loss.

Heavenly Father can make you whole again. No matter what you face...allow yourself time to feel the pain but at the same time trust the Lord that you will gain the greatest reward from growing from your trials and becoming all that you can be from them! My trials have taken me to this place and it is a sweet and precious place to know that you have a purpose. To know that your experiences are for you to become all that you were meant to become!

To some this may be a boring blog, to others it may be just what they needed to hear. But, I want you to know that if my words happen to find your eyes and your heart...then God has a message for you....He wants you to know that you are meant to believe, endure and become all that you were born to be. Step into your greatness and trust the Lord with all of your heart! You are not alone and He is ever mindful of you! Sometimes the journey is a very long one And sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But the time will come for a new day! So keep going forward with faith!

I'm grateful for these precious children that I was blessed to be their mommy! I'm grateful for the lifelong lessons and hope that your life can be blessed by them without having to experience the pain.

Shelby is the one in the black socks and Shealyn with the curl in the center of her forehead and white socks! Until we meet again! Cherish your children!

High Maintenance!!!!

Why is it that we can hear 100 kind or loving compliments that make us feel special and loved but ONE simple comment made by one individual that sticks with us can torment us and be a trigger thought to make us think we are less or it taunts our mind over and over? Am I the only one who does this?

 Due to much experience in this area I have gotten MUCH better at letting go of hurtful words of others and rising above what some people say to me, about me or behind my back!  But every now and then, something someone says can stick with me and I analyze it and RE-Analyze it and sometimes analyze it again!

Well, about a year ago at an event that I was attending...It was in between activities and I was sitting on the couch in the lobby and there was another girl sitting on the other couch and we began chatting! She was cute and pregnant and so I started a conversation asking when her baby was due and what names had they picked out and so on! Then she asked me a couple of questions like where was I from and how many kids did I have! Then she said, something that has stuck with me for a year!!! Yes a year! She said, "YOU'RE HIGH MAINTENANCE AREN'T YOU?'  I actually laughed out loud...(because I am so the opposite of high maintenance! In fact, my daughter teases me of how little time I spend getting ready and selecting my outfits and I will throw on a pair of flip-flops IN A SECOND!) hahahha So, I responded, by laughing and said, "UM NO I am actually so not high maintenance! I throw this curly hair up in a second and I'm a wash and go kind of girl! Don't wear much make up so I 'm in and out of the mirror in 5 minutes sometimes less! Then she kind of raised her eyebrows and didn't really say much else! I totally felt awkward  cause it was almost like one of those little stings that people throw at you! But, I truly don't even think she meant any harm! I complimented her on her outfit because her skirt was totally cute and was on my way!

I can't tell you how many times her words have encountered my mind since then! One of my weaknesses through my life was believing the WORDS OF OTHERS! Like I said earlier that I have truly strengthened myself in that area but I still have tendencies to hang on to unkind words and battle them in my mind  and this was one  of those times that I just could not get rid what was said to me!  Many times when I would look in the mirror her words would cross my mind! I continued to tell myself that she meant no harm and so I decided to look up the definition of ...High Maintenance!

HIGH MAINTENANCE: Requiring alot of attention, exaggerates to gain attention, expensive taste, never comfortable, constantly concerned about her appearance, judges others based on outward appearance, narcissistic and mean, typically a person who thinks that the price of things equals value, stuck up, drama queen, demanding, expects alot, depends on everyone else!

Well, just like my subconscious had thought  all this time it didn't feel good for a reason! I tried to give the benefit of the doubt but after reading the description of this.... I thought, "Who would say something like that?" Especially because she didn't know me! She only went off of my looks to assume!

So I battled with it a little more...It actually became more funny to me because I kept thinking...If she only knew...I will buy a piece of clothing at a garage sale or the sale rack ANYTIME! I have a few things that I just had to have and bought myself but overall...I will run to the discounts! If she only knew...that I am HUGE about accepting others AS THEY ARE and I look on the heart. If she only knew...I am so not mean in fact, I would question if there is even a mean bone in my body. If she only knew...at the grocery store I buy off brand. If she only knew...I give, I serve, I love, I do for others before myself, I care so deeply for others that it hurts, I cry when others cry, I'm compassionate, I never expect anything in return!

I thought if she made that assumption on my outside appearance then she didn't realize how easy curly hair is to maintain! I look in my closet and literally grab this and grab that and throw it together and then slide on coordinating color of flip flops! hahaha oh and if it's because my toenails are always polished well this is why....

When I was in the hospital for months while my child was dying! A sweet lady came into the waiting room with a basket on her arm. She looked around the room and said she was there to give love and serve. She found me that day... She asked me could she give me a pedicure and make me feel special! I lived in that ICU waiting room for months without leaving to the outside world. I cried and said that I would love for her too! She proceeded to get warm water to fill her bucket and gently massaged my feet with lotion for a long time! ( I still cry thinking of the love that she offered to me that day) She took a little over an hour and ended by painting my toenails really pretty! What she did for me that day has lasted a lifetime! I don't know who she was but I hope God is blessing her everyday because she gave me a gift that day that I can only repay by paying it forward! So to this day, It is the one self indulgent thing that I do every two weeks like clock work! And now I enjoy it with my husband! It is so beyond a vanity thing! My toes represent a life changing day for me! They will always be painted and blingy representing happiness and a refreshing love that a stranger gave to me while I endured watching my child slowly die!

Please, never assume and make judgements of someone and say things that can injure the heart!
FIND JOY IN LOVING OTHERS and doing what you can to be like the "pedicure lady" There are opportunities all around EVERY DAY! You just have to desire to give and love! Give more of yourself. You never know whose life you can change for a lifetime!

I promise that your life will be more full of everything good when you reach out and touch others lives! And when you get  a compliment, remember it! Believe that they meant it and repeat it to your mind often! Don't believe the words that are meant to hurt! You don't need those people in your life! You deserve to have people in your life that see the BEST in you! And lastly, DON'T BELIEVE the lies in your head that many times come from someone else! You are worth more than GOLD! You are beautiful and worthy and deserving!

So in the end, I'm thankful for the words High Maintenance...cause I realized that it does take alot of maintenance to LOVE FULLY and to build strong relationships, and to serve, and to grow a stronger relationship with your Father in Heaven! It takes tons of time and maintenance to do all of those things! So that is my new definition of High Maintenance!

My Valentine's Miracle

It was early on Valentine's morning and I could NOT keep my mind from spinning! I was doing my normal morning routine when I was overwhelmed with longing thoughts for  my dad! I was reminiscing and having memories flow through my head! I was thinking about my two most fond memories that I have had through the years that I missed so much. The two people that always made Valentines special was my dad and my grandpa (my mom's dad) Both of which are in Heaven.

As long as I can remember, every single Valentine's Day WITHOUT FAIL... I received a card in the mail, as well as my kids, from my grandpa! Signed...Granddaddy Ray! It was special because it was the one thing I could always count on! He never failed to show his love on that day! I cherished them and still have every single card that he ever sent! I still remember that first Valentine's Day after he died and for the first time not getting that card in the mail! I am glad that I  kept them because I would pull them  all out at Valentines and set them all up to remember him and how special he always made me feel. But this time they are in storage so I couldn't get my hands on them!

The other very special memory was from my dad. He never failed to do some little small thing to show his love on this day. Often times it was a single flower. Many times a little chocolate and a handwritten card, one year I remember he drove over just for a hug and kiss and to look me in the eye and tell me that he loved me!  He never spent much if anything at all but it was always thoughtful and he always made a point to let me know he was thinking of me specifically.

Well, as you can see I was missing these two great men in my life! Then the next thought was... but I was just a daughter and granddaughter, and my thoughts immediately went to my mom and my grandma! If I was missing them this much today then I could not even imagine the longing that they must have for those special men in their life! I immediately had a sweet feeling come over me of how much they were loved and  adored by their husbands and I wondered if they knew it! I felt this prompting to do something special for them and to remind them of how much their husbands loved them! But what...I was limited because they live far from me so my only option was sending flowers!

So I immediately went to google and searched for flower shops in their area! After calling every single one that popped up...which was 16 to be exact...I was without luck! Of course it is Valentine's Day and everyone was swamped and not taking any more orders for delivery! I thought well it was a great thought! And then my very next thought was wait...if I was prompted to do this then I know there has got to be a way! I immediately closed my eyes and said a prayer, "Heavenly Father, please lead me to the place that can deliver flowers to my mom and my grandma today! I felt prompted to send them a message to remind them how much they are loved and well I know that if I was prompted to do this then you can help me find a way to make it happen, In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

 I hit REFRESH on my phone and there it was....one new place that had not been on my previous list. 'HEAVENLY DESIGNS"
I immediately knew that my prayer was answered just by the name! Because what I haven't mentioned yet was that what I felt prompted to do was to send flowers to my mom, from my dad! And also send flowers to my grandma, from my grandpa! As soon as I saw the name of this flower shop, I had a chill head to toe that it was especially for me as a confirmation that He heard my prayer! I called and spoke to the kindest lady that proceeds to tell me that she had just called in an extra driver  to deliver so that she didn't have to turn anyone away! I told her what messages that I wanted to send and she said that she was going to make them extra special and was honored to take my order! I told her that I called to 16 other shops and was turned away! She told me that she had just turned her phones back on and I was the first call!

Those flowers were delivered to my sweet mom and grandma within an hour! I received very special and sweet messages from them both and what made it even more special was that it was form the flower shop named HEAVENLY DESIGN!

I strongly believe with all of my heart that Heavenly Father was witnessing to me His HEAVENLY DESIGN today! I am also aware that it started with longing thoughts for my dad and grandpa! Instead of letting the longing get me down I wanted to turn it around and do something special for others! Not only did I have the grandest confirmation that He allowed me to be His hands today...But he also guided my steps after I prayed and asked for His help. He was there at the tap of the REFRESH button!

How many times do we forget to call upon Him for the smallest things in our lives! It is just like hitting that refresh button! He is waiting to show us something that we haven't seen before!
And many times it is as fast as hitting the refresh button! He wants to refresh us with His love! He wants us to be His hands...and if we are willing to call upon Him..He will guide our steps to make it happen! It was the grandest pleasure today to send a message to my mom and grandma from Heaven and remind them of how much they were loved and adored by their Heavenly spouses!
It was special not only because I love them so much but that The Lord trusted me to be His Hands and be a witness to His promise tha tHe hears and answers our prayers!

Find JOY in PRAYER! Look for the opportunities to be His Hands and bless those around you! It brought the greatest JOY to me today to be a part of His HEAVENLY DESIGN!

I am grateful for His tender mercies and His constant blessings that He sends!

 For every miracle is a tender mercy from Him!

FOR NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!

I OVERCAME my worst enemy....Myself!!!

Well, it's after midnight and all I can think about is the keyboard! I have had some things on my mind the last few days. Someone made the comment to me recently that I was SOOOO OPTIMISTIC AND HAPPY and  she just wanted to know how I do it was her words to be exact! Well, I have some very specific answers as to why! But before I could write about that I needed to be open and honest (like I am all the time) but sometimes its tougher on these deeper subjects!

I will turn 38 in a couple of weeks but for many years of my life I battled my mind!  I have learned how to overcome....MY MIND!  I have lived with post traumatic  stress syndrome,(never really claimed that even though I was diagnosed) insecurity, lack of self esteem, lack of self worth and etc...You name it I probably experienced it! The funny thing is no-one really knew it! I have always been a happy natured and fun loving person! Someone who would love and share my love with anyone! So someone giving their love and energy to others isn't normally looked at as the kind of person that needs it back!

After losing my first child, it left me feeling empty....really empty! That emptiness somehow consumed me for awhile! Emptiness turned into loneliness! Loneliness turned into depression! Depression turned into lack of self esteem and lack of self esteem turned into lack of self worth! a vicious cycle! What happens to a person that doesn't think they are worth anything? Well, usually you look for comfort through unhealthy things...for me it was food! But more importantly you obviously don't see what God sees! It is a downward spiral ...for me it was major weight gain! Which only added to my depression! I refused medication because I just always had a fear of being addicted to anything! So I medicated myself with food! I longed for someone to come and be my friend and love me but no one really knew I was suffering! And then I lost another child and I saw all of the patterns resurface! I spent so many years trying to figure out how to move on after losing my kids that I didn't really no how to take care of myself!! It got the best of me quite often!

I always felt like less, I was not the same person anymore after losing my kids and I always had an eternal focus because of having my sweet babies in heaven! I was always thinking and analyzing....too much! I was hard on myself! I wanted to live a good life so that I could have my babies back! It consumed me! I didn't really fit in with groups because I couldn't stand spending time talking about things that didn't matter! I was always talking about deep things or I was emotional at any given moment! So I guess you could say I WAS A MESS! But then again, there is no manual that comes along with losing a child! I just went along trying to figure out life! My mind would tell me that I was too sensitive or that no one liked me or blah blah blah...it was ALL UNTRUE!

I found JOY in doing for others...it was just a part of me! So basically I went overboard and could never say NO to anyone! You can see what problems that would cause too! I was overextending myself! My mind was constantly telling me I wasn't good enough! How do we let our minds dictate these lies to ourselves!

Well, it took many years of battling my own mind to figure out that I could overcome it! And with all the experience that I have  had...I have perfected what to do with my tendencies that will always be there! You are who you are! Sensitive or not sensitive, quick to judge or not quick to judge, kind or mean, happy or moody, caring or selfish! You see we are who we are! We all have natural tendencies!

I decided one day that I had had enough of my mind telling me things that weren't true and me believing! So i began my journey of CHANGING MY THINKING AND CHANGING MY LIFE! It started with  reading and reading and reading and more reading! I discovered the power of the subconscious mind! I started feeding my mind an over abundance of positive! So much that I started to see some changes! But then those tendencies would come out and I would have set backs! I would get back down in the slumps...basically give up my own power! Well, then I'd pick myself up again but then the anniversary of my both of my sweet babies death would hit again and the vicious cycle would start all over again!

So, I read and read and read and exercised and read some more! I listened to music that moved me! I prayed and prayed and grew my relationship with my Heavenly Father! I have always had a close relationship with God but when we let ourselves get depressed...we don't have the same connection with Him! I acted and began to feel very close to Him again!  I felt the emptiness be filled with a LOVE that I couldn't even understand! As I continued to read my scriptures and pray and ask for strength to overcome....IT HAPPENED! I began to have less self doubt! I learned to embrace self-love. And I believe I am and will always be a student...I have discovered some very valuable techniques that have allowed me to become a very positive and secure optimist! Because those core tendencies will ALWAYS be there... you have to learn what to do when those tendencies show their ugly face! I have applied these successful techniques in relationships and in business! For one...I QUIT APOLOGIZING FOR WHO I AM! I have learned that I am perfect the way I am! I will constantly be growing, learning, evolving and working on myself and my imperfections....but those flaws make me...me!!! I believe that your heart is a precious gift and it is up to you to protect it, share it, open it and love yourself! Know your value! Know your worth!

If you say that you can't then you are saying that HE can't! Because with Him all things are possible! I make a choice everyday to be happy! When trials come...I face them, feel them and then make the best of them and see what I am to gain from them! SO actually my mindset is positive towards trials and hard times because I see it as an opportunity for growth and to become MORE!

You can overcome your mind! You just have to choose too and then read and fill it with positive stuff! When your mind wants to shut down and start telling you lies or you hear something that hurts you or trial causes you to get down....Remember to look up and He can fulfill every empty hole! He can renew your spirit! He can help you see your worth! He can help you find your purpose! He can help you overcome yourself! Immediately sing a happy song that you have selected for that moment or recite a quote or affirmation! Your subconscious mind will believe it! Read uplifting things, call a positive person who truly cares for you! Know your plan of what to do when your mind fills up with doubts or fear or worry or stress! You can get so good at it that you  can spend all your days HAPPY....TRULY HAPPY! Trials will come again and again but you can look to them as stepping stones! IT IS A CHOICE TO SEE THE GLASS HALF FULL! It's called "Learned OPTIMISM!  It is something that you can get better at with practice! The next time something happens to you that seems so unfair...remember you don't have to get down...You have a choice that you can make EVERY TIME! Give yourself a minute or two to feel appropriately then make the choice to see the good and seek the best out of it! You will do a whole lot of forgiving!





Find JOY in overcoming your weaknesses! You were born for a purpose and you have an amazing amount of potential....I even think an untapped potential! So love yourself, lift yourself up and share your heart, share yourself...Don't be afraid! People need you! Find JOY in changing your thinking and becoming all that you were meant to be!