Saturday, October 1, 2016

It was a miracle after all....

Sometimes you get a crazy idea that comes to you in a dream. You first think it's a nightmare! Then after some thought, the idea won't leave your heart. So you start paying attention to it and all the ramifications of it. You realize that you have been being prepared for it for quite some time. So you take it to heart and realize that indeed it is what was supposed to happen. Different fears start circulating and you process through it all. And of course, you pray!

Then you embrace it... with a little bit of sadness because it means changing everything you know. Selling your dream home and 80% of what you own. Little by little the reality sets in. Baby steps to the realization of what was really happening in my life. It seemed so subtle at first. I was craving simplicity. I was craving organization (which never came easily for me), I was craving order.

Then you realize that hiring a home organizer, getting rid of excess, donating and selling most of what you have was all part of the plan! It was all inspired. It was preparing me to be able to add upon my life. You see, I have dreams, big, big dreams! I have beautiful desires in my heart that I feel God has called me to do. I believe I have a calling and purpose in life and I needed to discover true order in my life before I was ready for this new path that God has led me down. I used to not have enough self-belief to think that they could ever happen. At one point in my life that is all that it was...a dream. But through my life, I have learned that dreams really do come true. But you have to work. You have to be willing to change. You have to listen to your heart and do hard things. For me, it meant deciding to give up the comfort and peace of our home. It meant getting rid of things I loved. It meant sacrificing comfort to explore uncomfortable feelings and face weaknesses.

Looking back....I learned at a young age that I could do hard things and have spent the last 20 years learning how to overcome trials and tribulations. I had a huge weakness of self-starting. I still struggle at times. (I now know what to do in those moments) I have A.D.D. with the side effect of lack of organization. I would have the greatest intentions with real desire and fall short because of my weaknesses. Either I would forget or not make something happen because I couldn't start or keep routine. I didn't have order in my mind so I never could figure out how to recover. I was determined to overcome this weakness.

I read books. I prayed. I took classes. I prayed. I read more books. I prayed. I entertained the idea of medicine for focus. (I decided against it) I prayed. I prayed some more. Then I realized that I was spending too much time focusing on my weaknesses and that I had forgotten to focus on my strengths. I was always searching how to overcome certain tendencies of mine. So I began doing what I could and focused on what I am good at. And that is listening to my heart and following the spirit.

I listened to my heart and hired that home organizer. I learned from her. I flew in a dear friend to organize my Scentsy and home office. I learned from her. I accepted that I may always have certain weaknesses but,  I can find beautiful people in my life help make up for what I didn't possess myself. I learned all of this but was still stuck in the ease of having the hired help.

I had this beautiful home that was always clean (well not always clean)  and of course smelling good but I couldn't maintain it myself. It was so overwhelming to me. I had to pay someone to maintain it for me. I'll never forget the feeling I had one day. My housekeepers were there (3 of them) and also the guy showed up to scoop the poop from the backyard at the same time. As I sat on the couch reading a book. I thought... Why am I sitting here watching others do things I am completely capable of doing myself. I realized that very subtlety I had become pulled into the ease of someone else doing these things and it was not helping me become the woman that I was meant to be. Of course it allowed me to go and serve and do random acts of kindness for others and to play with my kiddos. But, I realized that I was not progressing in this area of my life and I was getting very comfortable with hiring help. I realized at that moment that I needed to make a change. It was a stumbling block to my personal progression.

This is when I began praying for what my next best step was. I never intended for the answer to come in a dream. And surely never expected that we were to sell our home (which has not actually sold yet) and didn't expect to move to a completely new place (where I didn't know a soul) and into an apartment at that. Lubbock of all places, was the answer for this next phase of life. I immediately understood it all. Each baby step and phase that was preparing me for this big life change. I actually remember going to church that following Sunday and singing the song, "Ill go where you want me to go dear Lord." I knew from the spirit on several different occasions that it was for sure where we were supposed to go. So I continued to downsize even more and prepare for the big move. Two months have come and gone and I couldn't be happier! (except for missing sweet friends)

It has been the best thing that could have ever happened. I have changed for the better! Simplifying my life was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I didn't even need to hire an organizer to get my space all set up. Leaving that 4000 square foot home and downsizing to a 1100 sq ft apartment was a big part of the answer for me. I am happier and it is greater blessing than I ever realized. Kolby is thriving here. We are becoming even closer, now that he is not on one end of the house and me on another. We talk more and hang more. I love it! I cherish the lessons that I had through this experience of being willing to up and change everything. It is awesome to be cleaning my own home again, and not having more than I need. Everything has its place and I have finally achieved order and organization on my own. I have a clear mind because I'm not worrying about all that needs to be done and I am not feeling guilty for literally spending thousands to other people to do things for me that I was perfectly capable of doing myself. I have more much more time! Not to mention more time to travel and be what I am meant to be.

But here is the miracle... I have finally simplified my life and found order in my home.  God has blessed me in my efforts. God has opened doors for me to follow my heart desires and dreams. He has placed people in my path that have blessed me in my efforts in pursuing these big dreams that I have been carrying around in my heart for many years. By simplifying, I am able to be more present in the moment, attentive to my kids and able to devote my full attention to whatever task is going on at the time. I know I already mentioned this...but the added time is incredible. By having a simplified schedule I choose what fills my time...not life dictating what I have to do. Which will soon be filled with days of being a "grammy" to my first grand baby. I can't even say that without getting chills and watery eyes.

There are many beautiful benefits of simplifying your life. I am seeing that there are tons of small, seemingly insignificant benefits that contribute to my daily joy and sense of well-being and balance. It's an ongoing task that will always require reminders and resets...But that's exciting to me because I continue to see how much I have grown. The inner peace is the greatest gift of all.
I am not suggesting you have to move to find this beautiful place but begin the simplfying journey...its life changing!

Here's to continuing to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary can speak.... LESS IS MORE!


Until I blog again,


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