Recently, I have written 5 blogs that I have not published because the topics were so very near to my heart! I think I just needed to write about some things and get it out of my system! But those 5 blogs have brought me to the point to write this blog...and for that I am grateful!
I had someone say to me recently; "You always have your head in the clouds!" I laughed they laughed...And I said, YEP! The "old me" would have probably questioned what they meant but, the person that I am today responded...YEP, It sure is!! You see, it doesn't matter what they meant! I took it as a compliment! I consider the clouds as a beautiful happy place!
Self discovery is something really beautiful, but it takes ALOT of patience, self-love, hardships, and ALOT of time! It is weird because if you ask me about my life...I will tell you that I have had an AMAZING life and I truly feel that way! Now if you were to just list the trials that I have experienced you would not think that it could possibly = AMAZING! But its true! If you ask me about my childhood...I would say it was wonderful! If you ask me about growing up and high school...I would say it was great! If you ask me about early married days...it was awesome! If you ask me about my children....I will tell you incredible cherished stories! If you ask me how my life has been the answer is AMAZING!
If you know me well, you know that I have had trial after trial after trial! So I had alot of pondering to do on this and figure out why if I had been through so much could I possibly HONESTLY respond this way and explain my life to be so good! The answer that I have discovered...IS YES!
In order to share with you why I see life through "rose colored glasses"
I am going to share some of the struggles
that I have faced!
I want to preface this part of my blog: You may read the following and immediately think.. WOW ...that is too much to put out there! Log off and don't continue reading! (One person has expressed to me that I share too much personal information) If you think you might be judgemental about what I am writing then Log off and JUST DON'T READ....But, here is what I believe
I truly believe in those 3 choices! Bad things have happened and I have let it strengthen me! I also believe that we all have a divine purpose and it has been very clear to me that I should speak out! As I mentioned earlier that it leaves you feeling a little vulnerable at times (depending what you are sharing) But, my purpose has been confirmed to me many times! When I began writing and opening up about the losses, struggles, and pain that I have faced...I have PRIVATELY received email after email thanking me for being honest and opening up so that "they" had someone that they could trust to open up to and share what they have been through knowing that I would understand and not judge them! For this I am grateful that my pain can help someone else! I used to question why my life had to be so hard, but through the years I have embraced my calling of helping others find JOY IN THEIR JOURNEY and my trials...well I ALWAYS look for the meaning, purpose and growth! It is a CHOICE to see life through rose colored glasses! It has also brought me to my next chapter in life and I am in the process now of becoming a LIFE COACH! Something I have always wanted to do is coming true!
So here it is....are you ready??? I have deleted this sentence 10 times but I am gonna put out there for the first time publicly. (even if it's just for 1 person)...I was raped my first year of high school!! Like I said...Bad things happen! My best friend died right after high school, I dealt with a very low self-esteem, I miscarried twins (Our first pregnancy) then lost Shealyn (our first child) then lost Shelby (our third child), I think this is where I share WORDS OF OTHERS (like the lady that told me I brought my trials on myself because of having a child out of wed-lock...like it was my punishment), marriage struggles (I tease Shay and say that he has been married to 3 women in 1 due to all of my emotional ups and downs), one ADD child, one ADHD child (if you deal with that you know that means so much), Also, as wife and mother you carry the burdens of the trials that your children and husband face (but that is their story), betrayal of friends, extreme back injury that cost life changes and living with daily physical pain, post traumatic stress, Loss of my dear father (not to mention the visuals of all the traumatic things I had to witness), MAJOR judgement and criticism from people (hence my marriage to Shay, a black man, my choice to have more children after losing, my parenting, etc.) AND MUCH MUCH MORE... Needless to say, My life has not been easy! I have never once taken medication (not dissing it if you do)...I just have chosen to let myself feel the depth of every painful situation! There was a 5 month period of my life MANY years ago that was just too much for me to handle and I was weak and turned to drinking for 5 months! I am ashamed of that! But, I learned from that how extremely important it is to keep yourself STRONG so that you don't turn to the world for your relief! That you love the Lord with all of your heart and choose the right! WHEW...Ok so glad that I got all of that out! Even though Shay, my sweet husband, WAS my trial at times (LOL), He has been by my side THROUGH IT ALL...(with the exception of being raped) But in reality, he dealt with me emotionally and mentally after the fact!
So when people give me grief about my head being in the clouds or teasing me because I am so happy all of the time, or teasing and asking can they have some of what I am taking, or thinking that I am fronting this pretend happy life on face book....I DON'T LET IT GET TO ME! I smile....because I know who I am, I know where I have been, and I know where I am going! I just love them anyway! And if they decide they don't like me for my openness....that's OK too! So maybe this blog is a little glance into why I CHOOSE to see the world through my BRIGHT FUSCIA COLORED GLASSES...and go ahead and throw some bling on them too! I LOOK!
It is true...I really do find JOY IN THE JOURNEY! I truly have a deep and strong relationship with my Heavenly Father and He continually gives me strength! But I do ask! It takes alot of work to keep myself strong and my Rose glasses clear and free of spots! It is something that I take very seriously! I serve others, I reach out to help when I can, I pray for those around me, I truly do care deeply for others! I have dedicated my life to being there for others and sharing my experiences of life and sharing all that I have learned...which has been much! I will write an entire blog on what I do to keep my positive, optimistic attitude strong! But, this is one thing that I will share for now....
I learned this while in the living in the ICU with my first child...there is ALWAYS someone that has it worse than you do! Even when I was going through each of these trials and crying a river or maybe an ocean...I never forgot these words, "There is someone that has it worse than me" I learned to be grateful for my trials and the realization that each situation could always be worse! I became grateful for who I was becoming from each hardship and I learned to appreciate every trial and found it an opportunity to grow and become a better person! I have learned MANY things and am in the process of writing a book of how to FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY no matter what may come your way!
And lastly, I always believed this.....THE BEST IS YET TO COME!
Find JOY in LIFE and realize that every single hard thing you face...YOU have a choice!
Choose to see the positive, Choose to be an optimist, Choose to see life through ROSE COLORED GLASSES! IT JUST MAKES LIFE SO MUCH BETTER!
Thanks so much for posting this. I know writing it wasn't easy and living part of it wasn't either. Right now I needed to hear what you had to say.
ReplyDeleteI love you! I miss you! and... I am so thankful for having the joy in my journey of having the opportunity to call u my friend. <3 If I were there right now I'd hug your curly-haired, smiley-faced, giggly neck! ;) xoxo
ReplyDeleteHeather... I will never understand some people! If they wish to not put theirself out there then find so be it... but dont give someone else a hard time for choosing too! I love you and am so glad you posted again!!! I'm sorry to hear all the trials you went through but out of all of that a very beautiful person (inside and out) has sprouted and I am so glad to continue to get to know who you really are!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are all soooooooo sweet and thank you for your encouragement! I am loving writing and not regretting one blog! It is even more precious to me when someone lets me know that it blesses them! So thank you! Love you all! xoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteHeather, I was almost raped by a police officer when I was 8. I can appreciate your sharing this post. I know it will help others, and hopefully it'll be healing for you as well. Somehow, when we keep things in the dark, the darkness only ends up making them grow. You are an amazing woman for having CHOSEN to higher happier path. Oh that all of us would do that! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHeather,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your pure beauty. There are not many people in the world that have worked through their problems so deeply and come out the other side not hardened. You truly amaze me, I am lucky to work with you and be inspired by you regularly. I love that you turn to our Heavenly Father for help, you show so many people that He is the one that can lift you up.