I judged!!!

About a month ago I was running some errands and my daughter Hayley came and met me for lunch. As we were leaving to go our separate ways she mentions that she needs gas in her car. So since I didn't have any cash I told her that I would drive over with her and get some gas with my card.

We proceed to the gas station and I get out to run my card on her pump when this very old run down beat up car pulls in. The brakes sounded like screeching metal on metal to the worst degree. It was one of our very warm Texas days and this car had all of the windows down and you could tell that there was no AC.

I was standing there pumping gas into Hayley's car when all of a sudden this lady comes walking up to me asking for $5 for gas so that she could make it home with her baby. Now this is not the first time I have been approached for gas money at the gas station. In fact, it seems to be happening more and more. We are a family that gives without any judgement and usually do give in these situations. For some reason this day I judged. In fact, the thought that crossed through my head at that moment was I bet she does this often. She was not very appropriately dressed for public.

I looked at her and told her that I was sorry but I didn't have any cash! She said God Bless you mam and went on to the next person. I watched the way she was treated by all of the people she was asking and the thought came over me to help this woman. As soon as I decide to help her the thought came across my mind...When you are in the service of your fellow being you are only in the service of our God...Then these words came...she is a child of God just like me.

I realized that even though I didn't have cash that I could go over with my card and fill up her tank. I was so happy to do it and went to look to find the woman. She was holding her new born baby still asking people for some money. Not one person had helped. I went to her and said just hold your baby...I am going to fill your car up for you. She immediately starting crying and said, God Bless you mam, God bless you mam! I told her don't thank me...Thank God for putting in my heart to do this!

She sobbed and definitely seemed overwhelmed by my kindness! My daughter looks at me and realizes what I am doing and just smiles and when I get to the car says, "I was just in my car praying that someone would help her cause everyone was saying No!"

I immediately teared up because it was Hayley's prayers that blessed me that day to see the bigger picture since I had initially judged the lady and decided not to help! I was so glad for that second chance! I also was able to show Hayley how powerful prayers are...Hayley prayed and I was the one who listened to the call to help!

So the lady wipes her tears, puts her infant back in the hot car and drives off! How fulfilling it is to serve others and be His Hands.

Well, two weeks later I was running to Rockwall for an appointment and I was about 20 minutes from home and not quite to my appointment when I looked down at my tank and realized I was nearly out of gas. So I pulled into the local gas station to fill up. I get out to start pumping only to realize that I can't find my wallet... forgetting that I had gotten something out of it at home and forgot to put it back in my purse. YEP, you guessed right...I am in the same situation at the gas station and no access to my money for gas. So I went inside to tell the attendant my predicament and asked could I write a check to cover my gas and was told No!

I immediately thought of my whole experience of the lady and pictured myself having to ask to borrow money for gas. I was humbled. Before I had a chance to say anything to anyone the guy in line behind me in line asked what pump I was on and paid for a full tank of gas for me. I looked at him with a tear in my eye and sincerely thanked him. He said Oh no problem at all, my pleasure! We are all brothers and sisters and we all need to help each other out!

I couldn't help but think I had this chance on purpose to have the full circle moment reminding me of what this life is always all about! Living and loving and serving! I was so grateful as I know that lady was so grateful!

Find JOY in random acts of kindness as you never know when you will be the one needing help!

I Was Cursed!!!!!

Today I had the most wonderful Mother's day. Like any special day there are usually memories associated with these special days. I read some awesome tributes to mothers on Facebook and I saw beautiful pictures of mothers with their children while they were reminiscing about their children. I loved it all.

It triggered me to reflect, as I often do about my children! My days are filled making memories with my 2 babies (well Hayley and Kolby are not actually babies anymore but you know what I mean when I say they will ALWAYS be my babies) but sometimes my thoughts take me to my  other 2 babies  that are in heaven.

For some reason a memory crossed my mind today and I am so very grateful that it did. It actually is not the happiest of memories but it was a full circle kind of moment. Years ago after my first daughter had passed away I was having a conversation with someone that I knew very well and that I called friend. We were talking about Shealyn (my daughter) and how hard it was for me to lose her. During the course of the conversation the subject came up of righteous living and how it was a curse to have lost her. I can't really remember anything else from that conversation other than that. I remember feeling crushed and worthless. I had heard many things  after losing her like, "Do you think she died from that disease because you were white and your husband is black?" or "Did she die because you didn't know how to take care of her?"...

So hearing all kinds of strange things were not uncommon. But this one had far reaching effects that I was not even aware of at the time.

When you look up the word CURSE in the dictionary it reads...to call upon divine or supernatural power to send injury upon.

Deep down I knew that wasn't truth but somehow my subconscious repeated those words in my head. You may be thinking well why on earth would you believe that??? Well, I never try to be something I am not and the truth is that Shealyn was born before Shay and I were married. GASP!!!! Not my most favorite thing to share , and some may even read this and think less of me, but that's OK! I am who I am because of everything that I have been through in my life. And like always, when I feel inspired to share something, I do! I always feel good about sharing if my experience can bless another's life.

I was 19 and I had just lost a child to a terminal illness, and also my self worth was low because I was raised to not have a child out of wed-lock. I believe that is true to this day but I had made a mistake. 

 

It's a weird feeling to know something isn't true but somehow at the same time because of being broken down you somehow feel that it is true.

Anyway, back to the definition of cursed...I know that is not how The Lord works but since I had a low self worth from doing things all the wrong way...I lived with the daily thought that I brought this upon myself. Talk about a lot of created pain and suffering by not only losing your child and all that goes along with that but the added pressure that it was my fault! It creates a lot of pain and hurt but also causes you to feel not worth very much. I lived many years like that. Even though no one knew that I felt like that.

Shelby had come several years after we were married and he died from the same disease as his sister 4 years later. Those same broken feelings surfaced again. But, I was aware that things were different this time but here I was having the same experience of losing another child to death.

When Shelby was alive I  had heard different people share with me that with enough faith that miracles could happen and Shelby could be healed. I prayed and had faith beyond what I can explain in words.  I did not receive that miracle! I somehow had feelings in the back of my mind that my faith was not great enough. Which of course caused feelings of low self worth.

Then one day a special person came into my life and was listening to my stories of losing my two kids and what she said that day really changed the course of my life. She said, "You must be a special woman to have been trusted with two angel children." Hearing those words spoke directly to the truth that I knew in my heart and had felt but that my low self esteem and mistakes caused me to feel like less.

It's been 20 years since I lost Shealyn and 16 years since I lost Shelby and I'm grateful for all of the growth and learning that I have experienced through the years because of these trials of great loss.

I know that I was not cursed! I know that I am forgiven for my sins. I know that God's grace makes up the difference for all my daily shortcomings.

I'm grateful to have full confidence in God's plan for us,,,even Shealyn and Shelby's plan. I learned that true faith is not just knowing God can, but knowing why sometimes He doesn't. True faith is not just believing that things can work out perfectly and miracles can happen, but trusting when sometimes they don't. True faith is not just receiving your answer, but accepting His.

I have learned to be grateful for each day, each moment, each memory, each chance to choose JOY and HAPPINESS regardless of the trial of the day. I have learned to trust God and define my blessings as anything that would bring me closer to Him.

So actually, I have learned that STRUGGLE causes us to come closer to Him and learn how to become more like Him. It's not that we will love what we are going through and we will surely love for hard things to come to an end. That is normal and OK to feel that way. But, I have learned to look to each trial or hardship as a chance to grow and become more.  And live each day reciting that YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU!

He died on the cross for us and He would not want us to live one day feeling as I did for several years...a worthless, cursed sinner! I have had far too many conversations with people that feel this way and so I wanted to share my experience as I hope that anyone that is living like this will stop and drop to your knees and ask for God to forgive you and move on with what and who you are meant to be.

I'm grateful for hearing someone tell me that I was cursed because it's helped me truly learn more about the precious gift of the atonement and how much our Father in Heaven truly loves us and wants to bless us. But sometimes the miracle is not having our prayers answered and the greatest growth is accepting His will for us.

Find JOY in God's plan for you no matter where you have come from or what you have done!

 YOU ARE NOT YOUR SIN!

I'M VULNERABLE

What does it mean to be vulnerable? Miriam Webster’s dictionary describes vulnerable as:

1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2. open to attack or damage

But, I learned that what Brene Brown said about vulnerability is the definition that I like to live by...



Being vulnerable is not easy! You have to be OK WITH ALL OF YOU! Being vulnerable is not just showing the happy, sparkly, everyday is wonderful side of you. It's about being transparent and revealing the parts that you'd rather deny or keep hidden for fear of judgement, ridicule, being labeled, criticized, misunderstood, or worst of all rejected!

It's not like we would walk up to someone and say "Hey how are you?... I'm insecure today"
But the truth is that some days may be that way! So how do you reveal you authentic self and still not  risk the chance of being considered crazy, weird or the BIG "D" word.....depressed?

The truth is that you can't! Now, I am all about being optimistic and I definitely look to on the bright side and the glass half full. But I still have days that I can't quite pull myself together because of something! There are days I feel lonely, there are days that I cry, there are days that I feel insecure, there are times that I feel left out, there our days that I wish I wasn't ADD (and all that goes along with that), there are days that I wish people didn't  hurt my feelings, there are days that I wish being more organized came naturally to me, there are days that I wish I had enough money to do all the things that I want to do, like build a shelter and feed the homeless daily, there are days that I feel fat, there are days that I wish I didn't yo-yo in my weight, there are days that I wish I never let anyone down, there are days that I wish there was enough of me to go around, there are days that I wish I didn't still use my fingers to count or have to ask how many ounces are in a quart, there are days I wish I wasn't so forgetful, there are days that I feel depressed and I can't even put my finger on WHY, there are days that I wish I didn't procrastinate.....and the list goes on and on!

I'm the happiest me I know and I still have these thoughts, concerns, and worries that phase in and out of my mind at times.

Sometimes being vulnerable comes from putting yourself in certain situations or even by choice, like writing this blog.

So, I have been practicing being vulnerable daily! I want to be authentic, I want to be a beautiful person, I want to be someone that people can relate to,  I want to be all that my Heavenly Father blessed me to become!

I strongly believe that our weaknesses are there for a reason and its so important to LOVE ALL OF OURSELF......WEAKNESS AND ALL! I believe that closing that gap of what someone sees on the outside and what someone feels on the inside is the perfect path to being authentic. And vulnerability is the vehicle to getting us there.

So being vulnerable can kind of make your feel weak....Like the time that I told my dear friend that when I receive a compliment that I wish I truly believed it...Or the other day when I felt so strongly to go to the temple with my dear friend and my mom.... and the weather man said that there was a chance of snow flurries but nothing would stick. So I proceeded to drive there. No one in the car knew that I had a HUGE FEAR of driving in the slick conditions! I didn't even realize how huge until I was shivering and stiff as a board with my hands gripped to the steering wheel. I had a terrible experience in the past that caused me to say "I will never drive on this again" So here I am driving on it. What should have been a 30-35 minute trip turned into a 3 1/2 hour drive. I went through every emotion and physically felt the fear to as my body was reacting along with some PTSD issues. I was a mess! But I was so determined to face my fear. I realized I was being so incredibly vulnerable because I was speaking out loud what every single fear I had was as I was driving! It could have sounded ridiculous to the others in the car. But they went the distance with me and I made it to my destination. After putting myself in a place of vulnerability I could totally recognize the growth. It was 20 times better on my way home because I felt accomplished that I had made it to my destination and pushed through my fears.

1.VULNERABILITY IS EASIER WHEN YOU DESIRE TO BE ALL THAT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE.... You were meant to shine! You were meant to share your amazing talents! You were meant to bless the lives of others by giving only what YOU can give. You were meant to connect with others...YOU WERE BORN FOR GREATNESS! Don't let your fear of rejection or criticism stop you from being all that you can be. Step out of that space and be open with the people around you! You will find that people go through the same feelings and emotions but how much more beautiful to grow together when being open and vulnerable.

2. BEING VULNERABLE TAKES PRACTICE... Being vulnerable is not something that just happens overnight! In fact, I remember when I was going to start this blog...I was scared to death! What would people think of me if they knew the depth of the pain and sadness I have experienced? It seemed so scary to put out all of the feelings, thoughts and experiences that I have faced! But after writing it has been the complete opposite. The testimonies that have come from others who have read my blog have blessed my life. I have grown so much from learning to be vulnerable. I choose to be open everyday! It is always something I have to think about and choose to be open.

3. THE REWARDS OF VULNERABILITY ARE IMMEASURABLE... You may never even know how your openness can bless another...I remember recently reading a post on FB one late night about a mom that just didn't feel like she could conquer all that was on her plate and she wondered how everyone else had it all together.... Her beautiful and VULNERABLE post immediately had a ton of responses because other mothers were reaching out and some even said..."glad to know I'm not the only one."

Many times people measure your outsides by their insides and it will NEVER BE A MATCH or an equal playing field! So when openness and vulnerability occurs then everyone wins!

You can experience true connection like we were built to have when you choose to be vulnerable.  We really are way more complex than we show and when we start paying attention to all the thoughts that we have in a day, and we are open and vulnerable and  willing to share  ourselves then lives are blessed including our own! You wont be able to imagine all the blessings of growth that can come to you!

So the next time someone asks you "How are you? Be honest and vulnerable and watch the beauty that comes!

FIND JOY IN BEING VULNERABLE and OPEN YOURSELF UP TO GREATER POSSIBILITIES!!!

A World With Octobers!

 

 

 

Pumpkins and pumpkin patches, the leaves are turning, the days have cooled down and the world changes focus preparing for the Holiday season that is upon us.  For many it is the most favorite season of all. I have fond memories of  October and it being my most favorite season of all too. Many years ago my Octobers changed forever. Leaving a much different kind of memory during this season. In a world where October is the beginning of many traditions beginning with Halloween and then Thanksgiving in Novemeber. 

 

When the brisk cool weather hits and the orange pumpkins start to emerge....So does a flood of precious memories. Losing my precious son on a Halloween morning and a daughter on a Thanksgiving morning has left many memories for those days.  I have often questioned, "Why on two distinct memorable holiday days?" Those are the days that you can remember what you were doing each year because there are so many traditions  attached around those holidays!  

 

I can remember exactly minute to minute what those days were like when I held my son lifeless in my arms that Halloween morning. His sweet spirit had departed his body and there I hold my son Shelby and tried to understand why he had to leave. The same experience for me as I held my daughter Shealyn lifeless in my arms on a Thanksgiving morning that year trying to comprehend the extreme loss that I felt. Nothing has ever come close to those feelings that I felt both mornings 4 years apart. So naturally you could see why I might get a little emotional every year around pumpkin time. 

 

 Yes its true that I am not always my normal self during October.... All the reasons that someone loves this season is  all the reason that I'm bombarded with memories floating through my mind just like they happened yesterday. I have two children with a different set of experiences and stories through that time to think about every year. I can't help but back off from life a little bit to let the memories and emotions flow.

 

So WHY AM I SO GLAD I LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THERE ARE OCTOBERS?

 

Well, this is why... even though the losses were hard and painful...I've learned so many things that I never would have learned had I not experienced these trials. Losing two of my children have been lifelong trials because every year the emotions creep back in for a few days (sometimes weeks) and reminds me all over again of the loss that I endured. As I have gotten older I have realized this treasured blessing in OCTOBER! Every year that my memories of losing my precious children is revisited year after year, I am reminded of the everlasting love that out Heavenly Father in Heaven has for me and all of us. I am grateful for the knowledge ot eternal families.

 

What I learned and CONTINUE TO LEARN FROM THE LOSS OF MY BABIES helps me be a better mom for the two I have here with me. It also helps me be a better wife, daughter, sister and friend... The perspective is treasured! When I realized that my son and daughter were going to die the moments seemed more important and special. I learned how to live in the moment and not miss precious moments. Instead of looking ahead and planning a life ahead for Shelby and Shealyn,  I began enjoying every second left with them. Live in the moment and treasure every day! Make every day special in some way! Do something for others every day!

 

You learn that every day is not guaranteed and to live each day like its your last. Which allows you to focus on whats important and that to me means treating people with love and forgiving them when you are wronged right away. It means loving people unconditionally and loving them where they are in life. It means caring for and helping people any chance you get. It means not wasting your days with non important TV programs, and too many hobbies that aren't of worth. It means never forgetting that we were sent here to be tested and therefore never getting upset when you are going through one of those tests! It means looking on any trial as a chance to grow stronger and more compassionate. It means setting aside that house work if you have the chance to spend time with your children. It means taking time for relationships in your life and it means to not forget about yourself in the mix.

 

I've learned how important it is to take care of yourself,,,If you don't learn to understand yourself then grief  and life's trials can overtake you! Remember your needs and don't say "I'm fine" when you NOT! Don't be afraid to share your sorrows, sadness and weakness with people because they can help you through it! You give others a chance to learn through you and vice versa! Ive learned to do things that make you feel good... I still to this day get pedicures because I remember how healing it was to me when a lady came into the ICU and soaked and rubbed my feet for me. I never forgot how healing that was and still continue to get pedicures to this day!

 

Ive learned to be patient with my husband because I went through so many emotional hardships that I required patience. It has taught me to be patient with him and never to hold grudges when the wrong things are said! I've learned that we all have heartaches and deal with our emotions differently so it had taught me to be more compassionate to other peoples feelings even when they might express emotions differently than me!

 

Ive learned to not sweat the small stuff... Life's too short to dwell on small things or to get mad over spilled milk. Be someone that your children or friends can come talk to about anything and realize we are all just trying to grow and endure this life to our best!

 

Ive learned to not be afraid to show your weaknesses or imperfections! Just be YOU! No one can be YOU as good as YOU can! I will never be normal! I don't even know what normal is! People unfriend me all the time on facebook! My first thought is..."Awe do they not like me" But then I say, Oh well it doesn't matter because I'm just being me and if someone doesn't like something about me then I don't need them in my life! I used to want to be friends with everyone and Ive learned that well that's just not how life is!

 

Ive learned to love unconditionally and to not judge people! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SOMEONE IS CARRYING IN THEIR HEART! So love people wherever they are and reach out and be a friend!

 

Ive learned most of all to overcome! Ive learned how to find JOY in my journey! Someone asked me the other day "Do you ever get depressed? You are so happy all the time" The truth is yes I get depressed, sad, emotional, upset and so on! I have just learned how to overcome those daily tests! I go to my scriptures, music, go serve someone (my favorite). random acts of kindness (my other favorite), read a book, read an uplifting quote.... I take action and do something good to uplift myself everyday! It keeps you in that HAPPY spot quite often! People usually don't even realize I am going through a hard time...not because i am hiding it but because I realize right off the bat that it is for my good in someway and I embrace it and endure it! Its always pretty on the other side of a trial because you grow and learn and become more compassionate for others!

 

Ive learned that I fall short everyday of being everything I need to be and that is when I fall to my knees and thank my loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for all the many blessings in my life! I never say, "Why me?" If he has called me to it, He will help my though it and I have witnessed that first hand! I am nothing without Him and I have endured these losses ONLY with his help and example! I try to be more life Him everyday! How grateful I am that I can fall short eveyday and still be complete because of His mercy! Im grateful for the trials that have come into my life cause I wouldn't be who I am today!

 

I wouldn't wish losing a child on anyone! It has been a lifelong trial of continual enduring as it tests me emotionally every year! But oh how thankful I am for OCTOBERS because I have the chance to pull back from life a little and put down the projects and dreams and just take a hard look at life and be deeply reminded about what matters most and it always refreshes my perspective for the better! I always change for the better after another OCTOBER!

 

Thank you Shealyn, Hayley, Shelby and Kolby for all that your precious lives have taught me!

 

Find JOY in OCTOBERS!

 

 

It Made the "WRITE UP"

I am smiling right now as my fingers begin to type tonight! I have been through so many changes lately that blogging took a backseat and I have so missed writing! I just had to write tonight!

Last year at a Scentsy event I was listening to one of my favorite corporate leaders, Joal Curtis and he was sharing some experiences of one crazy day. His message was when you look back on certain situations to ask yourself "Will it make the write up?" Well yesterday, was one of those days...THAT MADE THE WRITE UP!

It all started 2 months ago when I began planning an after convention meeting. I set the date and had been preparing all of the details that go along with a big event! Well, THE DAY finally got here! I had everything planned out just right! It started that morning at 8 am trying to get the key to the amenity center that I was supposed to already have! The guy that I was getting it from left work early the day I came by! So that left me to Monday morning (day of event) to get the key! 3 hours go by trying to leave messages for the guy with no success of a return call! I begin to go other avenues to get a key! I finally realized where I could get another key but was told that before he could give me the key he needed a verification email that i had the center reserved! (No problem) However, that took an hour! Yay! Finally get the key!

So I get to the center to begin decorating and setting up 30 chairs that I had picked up and loaded into a car and brought over to the center for seating! I am dripping sweat like a faucet! I try to see why the AC unit isn't coming on and realize that it is BROKEN! I then scurry to make phone calls only to find out that it was a known issue and someone SHOULD BE THERE before 5. (Which was OK because my meeting didn't start until 7) So, I continued to set up all the chairs, rearrange big heavy furniture and yes still sweating! (It was 90 degrees on the thermostat) So as I continue decorating I continued to call the property manager to see the status of the AC getting fixed! Each phone call I am told.."they are supposed to be there" Well, the clock keeps ticking and I continue setting up! I started texting people asking if they had fans they could bring! I started thinking of a PLAN B. Its now 4:45 and NO AC MAN HAS COME YET!

So, to finish all of the deco details I was making a road out of black paper and white duct tape. (DRIVE was the theme) So I wanted to create a road outside for everyone to walk up the road to the front door! So me and a friend are out there making this road and quickly realize that we just locked ourselves out of the building. Phones, keys, everything was locked inside of the building! I couldn't even call anyone for help! We paced and decided to ask a mother that was in the pool if we could borrow her phone! We contacted several people to get us a phone number and that took about an hour to resolve! We finally got the key from the other builder in our community! STILL NO AC! Now there is only 1 hour til my event! It was funny how hot it was inside and now being locked out..I now desired to be back in that hot inside.... Funny how perspective changes...when at first all I wanted was to be OUT of that hot place!

I now can't get a hold of the manager and realized that even if they did come to fix it...that there was no way that it would be cooled off in time! So I make a last minute decision to change the location to my house! So all those 30 chairs had to be loaded back into the car and brought to my house and unloaded and set up AGAIN! I had to rearrange furniture and we have literally 45 minutes until people would begin coming! I thought man what a day...but hey it's all gonna work out! Sometimes you just have to make the best of the situation! I knew that speeches had been prepared, food had been purchased, people were in route and hearts were to be touched.....it just had to work out!

Every single stumbling block that could have been thrown at me WAS! Have you ever had days like this? I think we all have! I could have easily just thrown in the towel...I mean people would have understood since the AC unit went out! But NOPE I WAS GONNA PERSEVERE! I mean obviously it couldn't have gotten any worse! RIGHT????..... WRONG!!!! So, finally with help...we got all the furniture moved and chairs arranged and the doorbell goes off! Of course all of the cute deco was at the other place and I had even got the laptop and TV aux all set up at the other place. SO now I have to improvise! Guests are continuing to arrive! People are blowing up my phone with last minute direction change questions and so on. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off...but its all good! Where's the cord for the computer, where's the Internet key number, where's this and where's the restroom! It's was awesomeness! I mean it now can't get any worse! Well now we are having technical difficulties and can't get the online recording to work! As we continue to get that fixed...more and more and more people are arriving! I am still all over the place BUT WITH A SMILE! I've learned in life that if plan a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i doesn't work then you just go to "PLAN K".... I just knew it was gonna all work out somehow! Just when we almost have everything ready to start after the quick transition of locations....One of my guests walks in and says..."Um, your neighbor is out there cussing and going crazy!" I then walk outside to see what's going on and realize that she is cussing me and bad mouthing me because our entire street was covered with cars! She was angry that people were parked in front of her house (drive ways were NOT even blocked) I explained that this was supposed to be at the amenity center and so on and so on! She hardly let down her guard...I apologized and killed her with kindness! She continued to have choice words to me! I walked away with her on the phone cussing about her crazy neighbor that had over 70 guests at her house! At that moment I got a chill as I walked away and realized that I had 65-70 people packed in my house and we had some great messages to pass into their hearts! I quickly came back into my house...realizing that EVERY SINGLE STUMBLING BLOCK THAT CAME TO STOP ME FROM HAVING THIS MEETING....DID NOT STOP ME!

As it approached time for me to share my message...I tossed out what I had originally had prepared and shared what was in my heart from the experiences of my day! I was not sure why but felt that I needed to share it....so I did! My message was simple! Daily darts, trials, obstacles will come to shoot you down...But you gotta keep your head up and keep pressing forward! You just gotta keep going!
The meeting started and pressed forward after ALLLLLLLLLL OF THE CRAZINESS of the day! The SCENTSY MISSION STATEMENT RANG TRUE.....Their senses were enlivened, Hearts were warmed, and Souls were Inspired! IT HAPPENED! I felt like the Grinch story when he realized that he couldn't stop the Christmas spirit! THE SPIRIT COULDN'T BE RESTRAINED!

Today I received 10 different messages, fb messages, and emails of people sharing the blessings that they received from being in attendance and it what was they needed or the words that they heard saved them! Two of them especially touched me as this person expressed the despair of her day and how the messages that were shared actually saved her!  I know that all the trials prior were in attempt to have me not have the meeting...but it happened DESPITE ALL THE OBSTACLES!

Yes, it's a long story but doesn't this ring true for how life can feel so often? We just can't win for losing! But, if you keep putting one foot in front of the other and pressing forward no matter what comes your way to shut you down....REMEMBER THIS..

 

 

 My message is this....The only way that you won't succeed is to QUIT! So next time...NOTHING GOES YOUR WAY REMEMBER THIS.....

 

Find JOY in the BIG PICTURE....AND JUST DO IT!

 

Find JOY in YOUR JOURNEY!

What comes first...Happiness or Gratitude?

I woke up this morning to my normal ritual. Which always consists of prayer, making my bed, reading scripture and uplifting quotes and then opening the window for the light to come in. I have always needed light! I never knew why I loved the sunshine so much...I never really understood why I was so satisfied from the light! As I grew older I recognized that my deep gratitude for "light" was because it symbolized Christ to me! Which symbolizes many more things but most of all my love for Him who created me in His image. I now get the chance to be who I am today trying to live my life so that I can return to Him.

There was a song that I sang as a youth that was always special to me...It  went like this... "Have you received His image in your countenance? Does the light of Christ shine in your eyes? Will you know Him when He comes again because you will be like Him? When He sees you will the Father know His child? We seek for light and learning as followers of Christ that all may see his goodness reflected in our lives when we receive his fullness and lose desire for sin we radiate his perfect love a beauty from within." This morning this song popped into my mind and I reflected on the many phases of my life! I'm grateful for them all as they have made me who I am today. A happy and loving Heather. I pray that He will know me as His child and will recognize my little light that I always try to keep shinin.

Since this was where my mind was this morning...I looked up quotes on gratitude, happiness and abundance! Here are some of the ones that touched me today.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough" Oprah

As I reflect on all of the things that makes me HAPPY are also the things that I am so GRATEFUL for.  So what comes first???

 

 

 

 I truly believe that Gratitude comes first...I feel such an abundance daily because I am deeply grateful for everything in my life! I used to not express to what degree because i thought people would think I was silly that I actually would blow my nose and think man I wonder how much work it took someone to make the Kleenex I was using...Or when I would brush my teeth, I was grateful that i had a toothbrush or toothpaste and was glad that it was invented because I can have clean teeth! Yes, I truly eat the fruit and I am grateful for who planted the tree!

My dad wrote a list of 25 things about him that I still read often and it  brings such JOY to me! And since this blog is also my journal and record for my children and family for the future I decided that I would add my list to my blog for the record.


So I started not that long ago compiling things in a notebook that make me happy and today I thought I would share some of them....

1. Life-How grateful to have a body that I can take care of or not take care of. I feel BEST when I am exercising and eating healthy to show that I am grateful for my body.

2. Health-What a blessing that I experience good health but have compassion for those that suffer ailments.

3. Sunshine-Makes me happy and warms my skin which warms my heart

4. Family- I LOVE THEM..not just my cool husband and honest and open daughter and loving and caring son, but my talented brother and my organized sister and my mother that's full of wisdom and my honorable dad that left an amazing legacy. My grandmothers that are beautiful women, aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews... ALL OF MY FAMILY that have come into my life as a result of marriage...brothers in law and sisters in law and on and on! They are my dearest family and I love them ALL!!!

5. The Gospel- Cant imagine life without the guidance and plan of happiness that it provides.

6. Friends- I am blessed with heart strings that fulfill my life everyday!

7. Words- My heart is so full and I cant imagine not being able to express them without words

8. Choice- I get the chance to choose HAPPINESS everyday or I get to choose to make the best out of WHATEVER gets thrown in my face!

9. Acceptance- I am so thankful for those that accept me who I am.. deep, fun, expressive, and even those that love me even if I "share my whole life on FB" like some have said.

10. Blogs-I love writing mine and I love reading others insights..Blessed

11. Sun rays- I absolutely love seeing them..I feel like it represents many things... The love from up above, Gods loving arms reaching out to me. my kids sharing their love for me, my dad's wisdom and unconditional love shining down to me

12. Laughter- I cant live without laughing

13. PieShakes- I love banana cream...its my favorite! I miss it as I have been eating healthy! But I love it more because its my brother and sister in laws creation and dream that came alive! So every time I eat one I think of their satisfaction of creating something that was a dream come true!

14. Books- How grateful I am for knowledge that I can gain from

15. Quotes- They just inspire me and I know someone lived a lot of life to be able to write their thoughts that were captured in a quote!

16. Sunshine- One of my most favorite things ever.

17. Encouragement- There are many that have not encouraged me in life and so I am very grateful for those that have shared encouragement for me.

18.Holidays- Nothing better than taking a break from the world..slowing down and enjoying family. Many memories of holidays past make me happy!

19. FUN-I love it! There is nothing like silly FUN!

20. GLITTER- Now isn't that just the best creation ever...LOVE IT

21. Hope- It makes me happy to know that I have a knowledge that leads to daily HOPE. When all else fails I can cling to my hope until sunshine arrives and the cloud passes!

22. Handwriting- I love to write and have always enjoyed handwriting.

23. Photographs- I just love to take pictures to record moments and I love going back and enjoying them later.

24. February- Yes its the month that I was born but  I also love it because its the LOVE month and I just love to see people express love to each other! Nothing more beautiful to me!

25. Surprises- The best! They always mean so much!

26. Passion- I love seeing someone be so into what they do..It energizes me!

27. Real People- There is nothing more inspiring to me to see people be true about who they are and where they come from weaknesses and all!

28. Quality time- I love spending that kind of time with people! It's greatness!

29. Animals- I love seeing the different personalities in each critter and how unconditional and loving they are!

30.Dancing- I feel so free when I dance! Something that has always brought happiness and still does.

31. Singing- I love to harmonize with everything!

32. Challenges- They are never easy but they always teach me something and make me a better person!

33. Road trips- The kids, the long roads, the music, reaching the destination...AWESOMENESS!

34. Inspiration- Nothing quite like it when you get that AHA moment!

35. Peace- Such a beautiful place!

36. Weekends- I love the FREE TO BE feeling! Families are mostly together and its just happiness!

37. JOY- I love looking for it cause its always right there...you just have to be open to receive it!

38. Thoughts- I love to explore in my mind...at times I have too many but I have learned to control the best thoughts!

39. Tennis shoes- I love having all different colors to match different outfits. Getting a new pair is happiness!

40. Memories- I don't know what I would do without them! They strengthen daily! Some don't make me so happy but they make me stronger!

41. Opinions- I really love that others can be true to themselves! I love sharing mine and I love hearing others too!

42. Questions- When I get questioned..I always learn!

43. Hugs- Man o Man...How I love hugs! To me it should be the handshake!

44. Love- I feel so complete! I love to love and I love sharing my love! I love my husband and he loves me back! Its a beautiful thing!

45. Seasons- I love all 4 of them! They each provide something different!

46. Rainbows- It just makes me smile!

47. Organization- It has made me happy to discover  how to become organized because it was never something that came naturally.

48. Smiles-You just cant give enough of them. the universal symbol of kindness!

49. Generosity- The best feeling ever is to give...give your love, your time, your humor, your heart!

50. Change- Not always easy but you always become a "BETTER ME"

51. The breeze- Ahhhh just one of those things that is calming and relaxing! It just makes you feel right with the world.

52. Compliments- To me...giving an honest compliment is refreshing! I love making someones day with the true thoughts that I think of them!

53. Movies- A good movie is like a good book! You can learn and grow from a great message!

54. Dreaming- Such possibility! Makes me happy!

55. Facebook- I have always loved it! I use it for its best purposes and it has brought much connecting and fulfilment to me!

56. Balloons- I can't describe the HAPPINESS that those colored circles in the air bring to me! One of my most favorite things! I even buy a bouquet of balloons for myself to enjoy occasionally!

57.Flowers- The scent the beauty! Ahhh just love them!

58. Taking walks- Always a source of JOY! Family walks, alone walks, exercising walks...it doesn't matter they are always good! Family ones are my favorite and glad we do them often!

59. Kindness- even the smallest thing can brighten someones day!

60. Beautiful scenery- it brings such serenity! Pure happiness and gratitude for Gods creations!

I could go on and on and maybe another day I will! I just cant deny that its the little things in life that bring the biggest abundance! I invite you to create your own list, not only to bring out the best in your heart but that you have it in writing and one day those that love you will have a piece of you when you aren't around to witness all the gratitude that you have in you!

Find JOY in the things that make you HAPPY  and the things that you have GRATITUDE for!
As you identify specifically what things you are grateful for it creates a HAPPINESS inside of you that shines out to others. Let His image shine in your countenance through your gratefulness which will in return.....GIVE YOU AN ABUNDANT LIFE!

Faith To Be Healed

I find myself today a little on the contemplative side!  It has everything to do with my new life path of Life Coaching. A true personal blessing that I have gotten to this point in my life! After my website went live this morning..it caused me to reflect on many, many life experiences that have brought me through my journey to this point. I have a particular life lesson on my heart and I feel impressed to write about it today!

My sweet son Shelby that was sent to me on a beautiful day in May. I knew quickly after birth he was born with the same genetic disease that his sister (my 1st child) had previously lost her life to. I remember immediately I had many internal choices to make. I was 23 years old and had already been down this road losing my precious Shealyn as a young 19 year old girl. I remember looking into Shelby's eyes and committing to him that I would be all that he needed me to be. I remember feeling Heavenly Father's spirit come over me to let me know that He trusted me with another one of His precious angels. I remember not wanting to lose him because I loved him so much. I remember imagining Shelby in a casket as I knew this was a possibility. I remember how hard it was to lose Shealyn and questioned if I had what it took to endure this again. I remember pleading with my Heavenly Father for a miracle. The pain was great knowing that to give birth to him meant to give him back! Too many emotions! It's amazing to me that I can actually picture myself sitting there after just delivering my precious son looking at him with every imaginable emotion possible! Joy, sorrow, happiness, pain, tears, laughter (cause he was so beautiful and I always wondered what a boy would look like), confused, overwhelmed......and then it happened! The most peaceful feeling came over me! A feeling that I shall never forget! And then the thoughts that I needed to put all of my worries aside and cherish everyday that I had with my son.

I have never been the same since! I can't really describe in words what an experience like that does to your heart and spirit. I remember giving him ALL that I had. I cared for him to the best of my ability. I protected him as best I could. I watched him suffer and live everyday of his life in excruciating pain! That is why it is hard to this day to complain about anything because I always have his sweet face in my constant memory and also of my daughter. I understood what it meant to want to sacrifice myself if it meant for them to be healed or pain free. I lived my days praying for a miracle. The beauty of all that is that I truly had faith that he could be healed. But I learned the most valuable lesson ever one night after I had brought him home on hospice. Still believing that God could heal him. I learned that I trusted Him and that I needed to have faith in losing Shelby as well. Let me explain...If I truly trusted my Heavenly Father's will. That meant that whether Shelby lived and was spared or if he died that I would trust that the Lord knew what was best and that there was a plan of happiness for us. I will never forget that moment either. It was then that I spoke the words to Shelby and whispered in his ear..."Mommy loves you more than you will ever know. But If you need to go and that is what is meant to be then I will never forget you or the lessons that your life taught me. I will miss you in a way I can't describe. But I have faith to be healed! I then kissed his cheek...and my loving brother, Chris gave him a blessing and it was a very cherished and precious moment. Shelby died the next morning.

I learned that  true faith was living as if you knew a miracle could occur at any  moment but trusting that if it didn't that you could be whole again and  be healed from the pain. I know that He was mindful of me and that my broken mothers heart could be healed by faith.

Today, releasing the website (life coach) of this next step in my life was very healing to my heart. It represented all the many trials that I have overcome and now is my time to give back in a way that I have always desired! You can live your lives with great JOY even when you have experienced the greatest pain and loss.

Heavenly Father can make you whole again. No matter what you face...allow yourself time to feel the pain but at the same time trust the Lord that you will gain the greatest reward from growing from your trials and becoming all that you can be from them! My trials have taken me to this place and it is a sweet and precious place to know that you have a purpose. To know that your experiences are for you to become all that you were meant to become!

To some this may be a boring blog, to others it may be just what they needed to hear. But, I want you to know that if my words happen to find your eyes and your heart...then God has a message for you....He wants you to know that you are meant to believe, endure and become all that you were born to be. Step into your greatness and trust the Lord with all of your heart! You are not alone and He is ever mindful of you! Sometimes the journey is a very long one And sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But the time will come for a new day! So keep going forward with faith!

I'm grateful for these precious children that I was blessed to be their mommy! I'm grateful for the lifelong lessons and hope that your life can be blessed by them without having to experience the pain.

Shelby is the one in the black socks and Shealyn with the curl in the center of her forehead and white socks! Until we meet again! Cherish your children!